My obsession...

She stares at me. Maybe she really doesn't. I think about her. She must not think of me. Still...I find myself at odds with myself. Should I txt her? Call her? I hold back. Even when I cave. I feel like crap. Why do we like to suffer. I have made my prison of torture. Decisions have been made.

On another note, I went out drinking last night. I feel guilty every time after a night of drinking. I don't know why. Maybe it is money wise. I miss my days of drinking at home. I am at times a solitary creature and feel better when I am alone. Don't get me wrong...I feel like crap when I am isolated.

My grandmother passed away. I was close with her. I couldnt go out to Mexico. I was sad. I think I still am. Me and my emotions are out of sorts at the moment. It is hard to explain.