Talking about death and panicking.

Hello all,

This blog will be about many thoughts going thru my head. I apologize beforehand. My thought are not always kosher. I have been thinking about death. Don't worry I am not going to kill myself or anyone for that matter. Still...halloween being around the corner. Death has been on my mind. I remember when I was a kid I used to be afraid of death. There was a guy on my block that told me that there was going to be World War III and a nuclear bomb was going to go off. Soldiers were going to come and kill us all. I was a kid and he scared the crap out of me. I had many thought of how I was going to befriend them and not get myself killed. I know how simplistic. These are the thoughts of a little kid. I was about 5-6. This resulted in panic attacks over the whole death topic. They used to occur when I would focus on death. The idea that I would be a mortal man that will not longer be here. My brain would malfunction and I would panic and hurt myself to not think about it. I would dig my nails into my arm. I would bite myself. I would scream and jump around. I had these little panic attacks up until I got into college. I took a class on death and how to deal with it. It did help me. It helped me think about it and not be so afraid. I believe at some point I thought that a person in their old will get tired of life and would eventually would like to just go to sleep permanently. Granted this is not taking into consideration religion. Tell you the truth that is another topic that really makes me think. I would rather not really get into it here. Well...not at this time.

Lets change topic...blogs. I had a conversation with someone. They were commenting on my blog about being open about myself on here and how it takes courage. I believe the response was not a very good response. It was a response that explained it in that moment. Lets see if I can flesh this out a little more. I am honest and truthful here. It is my sanctuary. Everyone has their own place. This is because this place is anonymous. There is no face and no real person. These are just words. I can be honest here because no one judges me. I have been blogging for almost two years. Wait...I have been blogging for two years. I am working on my third year. I have made friends here. People have commented on these words. I thank you for that. The thoughts and fears that come into my head now are because these people know me. They have seen me face to face. Well...some of you have seen me face to face. Others are still wondering what i look like. Maybe they really do not care. At any rate, I have decided to not care what people think. This place will still be my fortress of solitude very much like Superman's Fortress of Solitude. I will still keep writing my thoughts. I hope you keep coming back. If you do not, then it shall be that way. I guess this was an explanation for my blog hiatus. This is one of the reasons. There are more. Oh man...someone stop this guy from ranting. Ttyl.