am i love?

Am I Love?? Sometimes I feel like I don't really need love. I want to just toppple the existing regiment. One by one break all the rules and break the shackles. The rules of engagement just need to be ignored and be able to take all you can take. Pillage and plunder the hordes of life.

I wrote this to a dear friend...their response was

dude then go for it!!!! don't think about it! just dot it!!

much unlike a nike commercial i can not. i do not know how to just grab those reigns and take my drink from the cup of life. fear is indeed strong in you, santiago wan - yoda said to the young jedi. it really is. i do not have the tools to just pillage without a conscience. does this make me a better person. yes...it does. i try to fight the logic. pero todavia tengo esa necesidad de rechazarlo tambien.

the other day, i was picking somone up to give them a ride home. i saw the embodiment of youth and was inspired to write this:

i have been experiencing a mid-life crises. i don't really know when it began. i am too you for this. can it be a result of my marriage? i should be the most happiest person in the world. there was an overwhelming sense of sadness. i'm not sure where it came from and it has gone. i really need to simplfy everything. i think i need to not want anything.

quiero sentirme vivo
como uno que no puede respirar
sin tu caricia
me falta tu risa