lost moment in time

sometime in the afternoon, i had a moment. it was one of those moments where you make a crystal clear discovery about yourself. how i wished i was close to a computer or someplace where i can write it dowm? it is now lost forever. it has to do with youth and a previous blogg entry. maybe that i am a terrible husband. (i know, probably why i forgot, huh) I really keep trying to be better. i say to my self (along with all my single friends), dude you have it so made. she loves you. plain and simple. she loves me. it can't get any better than that. maybe i am a hard man to love. maybe i can't be pleased.

(ok here comes the low self-esteem issue) maybe i'm just lucky she wanted me. there would be no other woman (as the english say it) mad enough to be with me. u have to understand. i was never the hunk or the guy girls wanted. (wait) i'm not ready for that path yet. you get the drift. i know the answers, get in the GYM. i really should i agree. mostly for health issue, but i do not have time. i really need to get to bed. i need to tear myself away from this anonymity. see...my thought are trailing off in a million directions. the bottom line...i want a female to look at me and think, "damn i wish i had him". not i wish there was someone like him for me. too bad he is married. i know, hence forth why i am a terrible husband. i need to refocus on my wife. i keep telling myself to give her everything. only to find out that i can't seem to give her everything. i keep holding back. hey...i know i am being dramatic. gotta go. it is late. time to go and sleep with the beautiful fairies. i guess i really am a geek. sorry.