The epiphany of marriage
There are so many things going on in my life that are pulling my emotions in different directions. There is helplessness. There is being overwhelmed. There is being busy. Granted, I may be focusing on all the negatives. It may be that I have to reorganize my thoughts and change my attitude. This is difficult at times because the negative energy is overwhelming the positive. The other issue is there is no time to refocus energy. I am contantly just reacting to the situation. The positives come and go in fleeting moments. I wish to to package it into a jar and sip on it when the negative is at an all time high.
Here is a list of 5 things that make me happy:
1. spending time with my family, when I am not in a funky mood. lol.
2. drinking a really good cup of coffee from organic beans.
3. drinking some alcohol with some really good friends
4. reading a good book
5. sometimes being done with a task needed to be done (i.e. fixing the car, cleaning, buying a cable i need for my computer or entertainment equipment.
I went out with my wife and her family this weekend. I love my brother-in-law (this one at least) and my sister-in-law (one out of the two, lol). It is the rest of the crew that I feel like I can not connect. It brings back some emotions of not belonging when I was in high school. It is muddled with ackward silence and then once a drink or two is in me...then bam! I am all giggles and joking. I am actually a very sociable guy. I just have to be on my best behaviour with these people. I have to censor myself. I can not be "me". I think that is what really bothers me. Why am I censoring myself? My wife has chastised me in the past because I can be a little crazy. I just realized that. I can get sloshed with my friends all the time. They do not judge me. My wife does judge me. She censors me. Wow...I did not see that. I am sure I had seen it. I had just turned a blind eye to it. I wonder what this tells you about me.
Here is a list of 5 things that make me happy:
1. spending time with my family, when I am not in a funky mood. lol.
2. drinking a really good cup of coffee from organic beans.
3. drinking some alcohol with some really good friends
4. reading a good book
5. sometimes being done with a task needed to be done (i.e. fixing the car, cleaning, buying a cable i need for my computer or entertainment equipment.
I went out with my wife and her family this weekend. I love my brother-in-law (this one at least) and my sister-in-law (one out of the two, lol). It is the rest of the crew that I feel like I can not connect. It brings back some emotions of not belonging when I was in high school. It is muddled with ackward silence and then once a drink or two is in me...then bam! I am all giggles and joking. I am actually a very sociable guy. I just have to be on my best behaviour with these people. I have to censor myself. I can not be "me". I think that is what really bothers me. Why am I censoring myself? My wife has chastised me in the past because I can be a little crazy. I just realized that. I can get sloshed with my friends all the time. They do not judge me. My wife does judge me. She censors me. Wow...I did not see that. I am sure I had seen it. I had just turned a blind eye to it. I wonder what this tells you about me.
posted by Santiago at 2:25 PM
2 Comments:
I don’t react well in those censor yourself family situations. I either end up sitting in the corner miserable as hell and unwilling to make mindless chit-chat, or going the opposite direction and saying something wildly inappropriate in a failed attempt to lighten the mood.
Joel- I do the same things. This is usually followed by a cutting look from the misses. lol. Liquor usually helps at this time. I am really not an alcoholic.
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