it sure does seem like forever. i have been busy with my baby. elijah!! he is the most adorable little boy. it is not to say my other kids are not. they are awesome and very helpful too. i love it.
still...am i all that happy? i dont know. i will let you be the judge of that. i was waiting for church to start. my kids were staying over with their aunt. the wife was at home with elijah. i was there at church and i even arrived early. too early apparently. the band was practicing. all the teenagers had arrived and were doing the usual meet and greet. the hugs and kisses and i felt like the fly on the wall. it was interesting. at any rate, this is what came out of it. i had some things on my mind. i jotted them down. not sure if it is a poem, but here goes.
te pregunto. are you bored yet? te has aburrido de mi? se me ha olvida lo que es celos. sentir esa frustracion...el no saber. si me amas o solo juegas conmigo. me gustaria leer tus pensamientos. tu corazon. dejar de ser un niño...perdido en este amor. tal vez, yo ni te amo. gustaria matar esta incertidumbre. olvidar de nuevo lo que es el celo. solo conocer la euforia de estar cerca de ti. mis brazos aggarandote duro. lo se que es ilicito (this even a word). este sentimiento. pero no me queda otra. no lo entiendo. no recuerdo...todo lo que quiero.
this uncomfortable silence. doubting my every move. did i anger her? insecurites clouding my judgement. slowly they come and say their hellos. no longer a shadow, invisible. i would really hate to be invisible. ignored by all. which is how i feel sometimes. isolated.
Labels: isolated, lost
