Baring my soul...

I sit here. Droning on and on. The mindless nonsense that spews from my mouth. Try to orient them. Only to be faced with blank stares. Meanwhile my subconscience focuses on the girl in pink. She came to me last night. She was a dream. Long smooth black hair. Eyes of truth. Innocence as she cried. I told her, "it would be okay". Wrapped my arms around her. I whispered to her, "I will never let you go." She cringes seeing the lie. Like a Cure video...the tears fall like rain. Wait...it is rain. Thanking the heavens it will cover her emotions. I can continue numb.

I was listening to an electronica/dance song. It is like trance or techno music. I am not sure if that is a poem based on that or just my own emotions. I miss you. I think about you every day. I see you are back. I am anxious. The baby is almost here. I can't wait to see him. This is the first time I have been this anxious. I am mostly not expecting anything until the event occurs. It is my reasoning to just let it happen. I have no control over her womb. Your absence makes me.... I am not sure how to put into words. It makes me question...has our time passed. Only to return later when everything will be back to normal. It was our season. We had a good run. You know...there was laughter. You were in my car. You held my hand the sun shone. The song came back on. LOL.I guess this is what trance does. It loosens my brain. There is rythm and dance. The girl in pink...I think she is real. Maybe I am going crazy. You know...I hope you do not mind. Thanks. You are a sweetheart. You are my sweetheart. I would have bought you flowers for the "day we do not mention." I did not have any cash. I was broke. I guess this ends now. The post that is. You know how i have to be dramatic.

no se de donde

quiero ser una navaja
punzo cortante
poder romper mi piel
pulgar el veneno vil
que me has dejado
sacarte de mi sangre
asi para poder
ver un dia sin dolor
dejar de
sentir tus labios
que me queman
con palabras
dejandome solo
herido del corazon.

The madness sleeps in tonight.

I can't seem to shake these zipper blues. They are Pumpkin Lyrics. I believe they are part of the song 1979. I think I woke up in a funk. That sentence captures I think my mood. I guess talking about it makes it a little better. I am starting to feel better. Excellent.

My evening was interesting. I went to Lalo's with the familia. It was nice. The problem is that the service was terrible. The waitress was an idiot. They have the nerve to charge me for the tip. We were a party of four. She is lucky they added it on. I would not have included anything. She took our drink order and food order and we never saw her again. Until the check was up. It was horrible. The night was not completely wasted. The mariachis did come over and serenade us with one song. Guess what? It was not ackward. I think it was cause the kids were there. My order was excellent. I had the Azteca skillet. I had been having a taste for some skirt steak. I mean it is not anything compared to what i would cook at home, but it will do.

I'm organizing a break out.

You out or in. It is the day of V-Day. The madness has not started. It may. Cross your fingers. I know...I am crazy. I hear that all the time. It is okay. Worry, when I start to believe it. It has been one of those days.

This V-day is especially bad. Why? Well...I wanted to get something for the misses. She did not want teddy bears, flowers, or chocolates. It pretty much narrows down my choices. I have always hated V-day. It is not cause of the fact that I do not love my significant other. It just pisses me off how commercialezed everything has gotten. Verizon is in on it. Cingular. Yahoo. Everywhere you look something abuot this BIG RED MACHINE!!!! Ok...I am glad I got that out of my system. Actually, the Big Red Machine is also known as Kane. One of the wrestlers from WWE. Anyway, lets love each other all the time.

I been thinking alot. This = bad. Thinking = bad. LOL!! I like being dramatic. I know. You could not tell, huh. I will get home and tried to persuade the misses to go out to dinner. Yeah...she turned me down for that one too. I guess we should really be saving our money. We have a baby on the way. Pray for me friends. Hope you guys have a good V-day. Thanks for playing.

It is always cool to hang out with a person of the opposite sex. I enjoy it when I get the chance. I had to go do laundry last night. I did not get home til about 12. I was quite tired. It seems lately...I have been going and going. Pretty much like the Energizer Bunny. It is not a good thing. The house is still a mess. I just finished cleaning it this weekend. You know...i typed all this stuff then I erased it. My post would be longer, but I kind of edit them for content. LOL!! I sound like an announcer before the movie on TV. I missed my show 24. It is okay. I will be able to watch it on-line later. I hope. There are so many tv show that are being streamed on the net. It is awesome. Well...the only one that is not being streamed is Smallville. It sucks I tell you.

We are friends right. I am going to make like you said yes. I want to be happy. I pretend I am happy. There are moments... well the feeling of being content are in my life. The other day. I woke up took a shower and then drove in. I was content in the car. The sun was shining the music was playing. It was Pxndx. They are fueled with adrenaline. I then got into office and started feeling like crap.

I can see...you are thinking it is the job that is making my life hell. It is partially the job, but there are other factors. Co-workers that are just pretty mean. This job is an easy job. It is not rocket science. We would be able to just chill and rock this place. The problem is there is one supervisor that has a midget stuck in her ass and can't seem to shake it. It is somewhat busy, but it is not really that busy at all. We can be relaxing and having a ball.

They yelled at me about a month ago. One of my old-coworker, came to my office to hang out for a minute. She came by and then we talked and all that. Well...according to them she could only visit for like 15 mins. You know come to think about it. I think it is just management that sucks here. This is such an easy job. It can be an ego booster and a fun place. The management does not want to see that. Damn the man!!! Oh well. I am glad I let that all out.

The Cure - Cut Here

"So we meet again!" and I offer my hand
All dry and English slow
And you look at me and I understand
Yeah it's a look I used to know
"Three long years... and your favourite man...
Is that any way to say hello?"
And you hold me... like you'll never let me go

"Oh c'mon and have a drink with me
Sit down and talk a while..."
"Oh I wish I could... and I will! But now I just don't have the time..."
And over my shoulder as I walk away
I see you give that look goodbye...
I still see that look in your eye...

So dizzy Mr. Busy - Too much rush to talk to Billy
All the silly frilly things have to first get done
In a minute - sometime soon - maybe next time - make it June
Until later... doesn't always come

It's so hard to think "It ends sometime
And this could be the last
I should really hear you sing again
And I should really watch you dance"
Because it's hard to think
"I'll never get another chance
To hold you... to hold you... "

But chilly Mr. Dilly - Too much rush to talk to Billy
All the tizzy fizzy idiot things must get done
In a second - just hang on - all in good time - wont be long
Until later...

I should've stopped to think - I should've made the time
I could've had that drink - I could've talked a while
I would've done it right - I would've moved us on
But I didn't - now it's all too late
It's over... over And you're gone..

I miss you I miss you I miss you
I miss you I miss you I miss you so much

But how many times can I walk away and wish "If only..."
But how many times can I talk this way and wish "If only..."
Keep on making the same mistake
Keep on aching the same heartbreak I wish "If only..."

But "If only...."
Is a wish too late...

las mujeres me odiaran

resulta que la espera tambien esta frustrando a mi mujer. lo malo de todo esto es que se ha puesto de pulgas. respiro y le cae mael. entiendo que tiene un bebe que no quiere salir. pero yo no puedo hacer algo para ayudar. bueno tal vez si. le tendre que dar la sugerencia. aver que dice. no duermo bien con el pendiente. al fin todo esta bien.

lapdances. quien piensa el grupo The Cure tiene algunas rolas buenas para esta forma de bailar. mmmmm. que sabroso. sera por que estoy bien cachondo. quien sabe.

i am waiting for the new arrival

la fecha de 02/28 tiene algun significado. es el dia que los doctores dicen que nacera mi hijo. tal vez. mi mujer dice que sera en cual quier dia. la espera es insuportable. quiero que nazca saludable. pero tambien el suspenso me mata. sigo...entonces esperando en la venida de nuestra gran calabaza (the great pumpkin).

mi hijo mayor, le llamabamos nuestro pumpkin. hasta lo disfrasamos de calabaza su primer año de Halloween. se miraba tan bello. como me imagino cualquier bebe chico. se estropea el cuadro, cuando empiezan a correr o hablar. tal vez cuando te dicen - no!- y le das el manazo por faltarte el respecto. a perdon ese fue otro tiempo. lol. bueno que siga la espera.

los besos

te tiro los besos
en el aire
esperando que el viento
te los hagan llegar
sueño el dia
que nuestros labios
se unan
en realidad
quizas nunca
pero sigo soñando
en ti
en nosotros.

buenas tardes.

me siento a medias. mi felicidad esta bien. padece de unas inconveniencias. pero no so gran cosa. los dias se me pasan volando. me doy cuenta que una semana ya ha pasado. pronto sigue el mez. podramos perdernos en el tiempo. navegar nuestro ser paso todo lo bueno y lo malo.

mi mujer me cuenta que ha tenido sus dolores de pacto. pero todavia es temprano. me mando un coreo electronico avisandome que los ha tenido toda la tarde. me espante. me detuve y dije, -no me lo diria sobre un coreo electronico- la incertidumbre de que el momento puede llegar a cualquier hora es un poco alarmante.

ayer me la pase en la casa. dis que enfermo. fui a home depot y compre unas cosas para arreglar las sillas del comedor. empeze con dos. voy a ver si acabo otras dos. veremos. tambien le fui a que le arreglaran el mofle a mi coche. se escuchaba como coche de carreras pero con una de humo. parecia un coche de espantos.

descargue el nuevo de Pxndx o Panda. esta padrisimo. las canciones llenas de adrenalina. espero que las escuchen. si gustan les mando una copia. nomas tirenme un e-mail.