Monday, August 29, 2005

sleep deprived

it was 10:30pm last night and nothing de sueño. i decided to jump on-line to research ways to improve the performance of my car. Wow! Ah Caray! It sounded chingon, que no? I was looking up some air-intake hoses or a new air intake system for my car. sounds complicated, right? all it is is a big rubber tube that goes from the air filter to the car engine. it supposed have a vaccum. pero que se yo. they have all these shiny so-called air intake systems that will increase your horse power. me estoy animando pero it cost un chorro. pues aver si me animo. there are some inexpensive systems, but will it fit my car. i have a toyota paseo. they look nice, pero it is not really a sport car. it does not have the engine. ideally, i would love to have a honda accord or civic and trick that baby out. pero i cant afford a new car. much less the car i already have. pero ni modo.

to be continued.....

Friday, August 19, 2005

nomas te quiero querer

solo quiero amarte
porque me rechazas
te suplico que no me dejes
no me dejes al olvido
ya no soporto esta soledad
que me cae en mis hombros
como una tonelada de ladrillos

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suffer my desire...

i was listening to the Smashing Pumpkins-Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. It got me to think of all my desires. Let us just say that there is way to many to list. I will go ahead an compose a little ode to this idea.

my loins long for her embrace
my bones ache for her touch
yearning to quench this thirst

my eyes take her in greedily
an obsession bordering on insanity
forgetting she can not be mine

does this fuel this desire
making it stronger
unable to abate the thought

she belongs to no one
free as a bird flying thru the world
searching for her treasure

dreams born from lust
cloud my judgement
yearning to smell her

wishing she chose me
to be the object of her affection(sp?)
to be in love... or lust

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Friday, August 12, 2005

i really need to join flicker...

i would like to join flicker. i would also like to take a million photos. some to capture life. some to capture death. some to capture a state of poverty. i really need a decent camera and to always have it with me.

enough of that...it is almost the middle of august. the summer is slowly coming to an end. times is stressful. kids are getting ready to go back to school. maybe this is why i have been having these horrible dreams. i have been dreaming about a zombie infested world. it is night of the living dead all over. people are turning evil all over the place. is it survival of the fittest at its best. i have been having the same dream theme all this past week. i have had to kill zombies and of course run screaming like a little girl. it has also been like a video game. i have to search for weapons to kill them. i have killed them with swords. i may have used a bat at one point. i have found an undergroung lair with other blood suckers and tried to enlist them too. it seemed like it was some sort of school of the occult. it gets a little fuzzy in the details. i just know there are a lot of weird turns here and there. i will awake and go back to sleep and dream the same dream. it is like starting the movie where u last left off. it has been a strange week to say the least.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

it is the moment of truth...

honestly, i do not understand or know how it got this way. my job has taken over my life. i have fallen asleep and dreamt about crunching numbers and resolving crises for others. it sounds more dramatic than it really is. how does it get to this?

(picture a mean looking girl walking down the hall)
here she comes with a mad determination to resolve this,
they need to get it straightened out right now.
this is an outrage,
i don't understand how (you)(instituition) can do this to me.


should i censor my thoughts. i feel like i do not have to censor me. why should I. i feel like i should be able to speak freely. we should be able to speak our minds. we should be able to give scream and tell the truth. why hide behind it? i know some people don't want to hear what we want to say or think. this mean i am stifling my spirit. my dreams. my thoughts.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

lost moment in time

sometime in the afternoon, i had a moment. it was one of those moments where you make a crystal clear discovery about yourself. how i wished i was close to a computer or someplace where i can write it dowm? it is now lost forever. it has to do with youth and a previous blogg entry. maybe that i am a terrible husband. (i know, probably why i forgot, huh) I really keep trying to be better. i say to my self (along with all my single friends), dude you have it so made. she loves you. plain and simple. she loves me. it can't get any better than that. maybe i am a hard man to love. maybe i can't be pleased.

(ok here comes the low self-esteem issue) maybe i'm just lucky she wanted me. there would be no other woman (as the english say it) mad enough to be with me. u have to understand. i was never the hunk or the guy girls wanted. (wait) i'm not ready for that path yet. you get the drift. i know the answers, get in the GYM. i really should i agree. mostly for health issue, but i do not have time. i really need to get to bed. i need to tear myself away from this anonymity. see...my thought are trailing off in a million directions. the bottom line...i want a female to look at me and think, "damn i wish i had him". not i wish there was someone like him for me. too bad he is married. i know, hence forth why i am a terrible husband. i need to refocus on my wife. i keep telling myself to give her everything. only to find out that i can't seem to give her everything. i keep holding back. hey...i know i am being dramatic. gotta go. it is late. time to go and sleep with the beautiful fairies. i guess i really am a geek. sorry.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

a new adventure...

previously on Filtro de Santiago...we left our heroes in a panic. Will they survive? Will they overcome this great obstancle? Holy Benedict Arnold (in a sarcastic Robin tone).

Ok. Sorry, I was watching some Batman and Robin on channel 23 with the kids. Today is a special day for my son. It is his birthday. YAY!!! He has been on this crazy ride called life for 8 years now. Pues le fue bien. Fuimos en la mañana a cortarle el pelo. His hair was getting unmanageable (sp?). We went to the post office to send a package back to tower records. Bastards!! I hate when you order something and they send you the completely opposite or not what you are supposed to get. Anyway, we made a quick stop there and then came back to the house. I spoke to mom a couple of times and invited her over to the house for my son's birthday. Mrs. Santiago got upset because I invited her to the movies as well. She has not gone to the movies in a long time. I figured why not have my son enjoy a movie with some of his family. It was Mrs. Santiago, mija, mijo, my cuñado, la amiga de Mrs. Santiago y toda su ranfla de chiquillos y mi mamacita. Que no puedo invitar a mi madre sin que te esponjes?? Bueno se enojo. Tuvo dos trabajos. Uno de enojarse y otro de aplacarse. Yo no me enojo cuando invita a mi cuñado. Hay tiempos que siento que es mi tercer hijo. He is always with us for special occasions. Well... moving on.

We went to go watch Sky High. It was a funny movie. If you have children, then go watch it. Otherwise wait for it to make an appearance at your local Blockbuster. I was sitting there waiting for the movie to start and my mother would not be quiet. I mean she literally talked through the whole preview and part of the beginning of the movie. I should have told her to be quiet. She is going thru a rought time. My brother the youngest has just moved out and the folks are taking it pretty badly. They act like they don't care, but they really do. I do not understand why they don't just talk to each other. It is sad to see them interact. My parents are talking to him and hey just grunts or stays there silent. I think he is imagining or waiting for them to dissappear or something. It breaks my heart. Back to her talking while in the theater. The only problem I have with her talking to me while in the theater is that the information she is relaying is not different. It is the same theme.

mom: maybe me and your dad should move back to mexico. your brother has left and you are on your own with your family (while she is tearing up a little bit).

me: i don't think that is a good idea. what about your medication?

mom: i can see a naturalist and then they can take care of me.

me: i don't know about that. i would not trust them. besides there can be some side effects of the herbs they give you.

mom: hay mijo, todo tiene efectos secundarious.

the movie started and then like 5 mins after it began she asked.

mom: ya esta es la pelicula o todavia es un comercial.

me: no mama ya es la pelicula.

mom: oh okay mijo.

After the movie went home. I forgot to pick up the cake. Went to Sam's for a cake we had ordered the day before. The morons still got it wrong. We ordered a spongebob cake. It was not spongebob at all. It was a dull cake. It was good, but it was not colorful or nothing. Mrs. Santiago ordered pizza and then ate some cake. Three hours later we were at the pool. We played frisbee in the water. Races in the water. It was a great day. I am tired.

I think I am still tired from helping my brother move to his new apartment. We moved all his crap up three flights of stairs. I thought my heart was going to give out on me. This was on monday. Well... I think I will end it here. I could go on forever, but I am really tired. Time to go a la camita. I know ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!! drool, drool.