Tuesday, June 28, 2005

i know, i know, i really should be working

i figure i would finish my last post today.

my daughter who is six by the way asks me, "What are you guys going to do there?" i start to wonder is La Vieja pumping me for information thru my daughter. i believe it was just my daughter being my daugther. i have to lie to her...i feel guilty for like 10 seconds. i really do not know why. i have an idea, but i am not prepared to tackle that right now. i tell her we are going to talk and catch up on things. no mention of the drinking, smoking, and other things that are not for little kids ears. now lets back up people. there is nothing really illegal going on. we played guestures, talked about music, had Local Girl do an alarming and accurate impression of Dustin Hoffman. it really was uncanny. at about 330 it was about time to call it a night. it was kind of cool. i had a buzz going on steady. it was starting to clear at about this time. my co-pilot clueless B looked like she was ready to pass out. i asked u want to head out. she said okay. we proceed to tackle the mad streets of the suburbs, chicago, expressway and still manage to pass the street i was supposed to turn on. oops. poor Clueless B was passed out in the passanger seat. get home about 4. get to bed and wake up the next morning.

wake up about a 10 get to my mom's to help with the sale again. should have gone to church. i know. i know. i felt bad enough. the kids and i go to the park and swing and see the girls and guys play different sports. my son is enthralled by the guys playing baseball. i am amused to see the girls play soccer. hehehe. La Vieja picks up the kids at my moms to take them to another realtives garage sale. watch Mexico lose against Argentina (soccer game). Uncle D comes over.

Intro: Uncle D- one of my favorite realtives. he is kind of got some money. i don't ask and don't want to know from where. he is not rich,but he aint hurting. he helped me buy some cars for me and the mrs. apparently he used to like to scare me silly when i was in my andadera (i dont remember what they call it in english).

the family is trying to make plans to make arrachera. some how time runs out. i have to leave to pick up my son to take him to his baseball game. good news. they won they're first baseball game. yaaaaaayyyyyy!!! i was really excited. my son even got to pitch an inning. he struck one guy out. i know that was it!! they are kids people. he is only 7. he needs more practice. pitching is hard. i was practicing with the kids and pitching to them. it is hard to be a pitcher and to hit the target. oh well. get a pizza puff for my son and head over to La Vieja's relatives house. i have not visited them in a long while.

finally get some arrachera. they made some earlier. they re-heated the food. me enchile bien feo. estaba llorando like a little girl. drank a beer and had a corn. made on the grill is the best way. called it a night and that was my weekend. it was a long one.

Monday, June 27, 2005

it is the last 15 minutes, but let's see the recap

my weekend started off okay. i went home rushed to a baseball game for my son. talked to a Ecuadorian Gangster on the way there.

Intro: Ecuadorian Gangster - friend from HS. Our minds are so similar it is not even funny. He can be my evil twin with better looks. Okay...moving on.

Mr EG is going to have dinner with Cafe Tacuba. i was hell-bent on hating, but i am not. he is so lucky. i love this band. they have rocked a big part of my life since college.

got to the game watched my son lose his (okay i don't know how many games). bought him his favorite pizza puff and went home. slept.

Intro: my son- Sport Guy. The man who loves all sports. He was playing soccer. He loves golf. He is the complete opposite of me.

awake to a new morning. clean the house a little. call my mom. go to another baseball game at 12. i mean really in this heat. again they lose. head over to my mom's to help with the garage/moving sale. it is very sad :-( the house is almost barren. leave my kids with my mom. very surprised. my daughter does not cry at all as I am leaving. she usually does. i have to wrench my arm from her. this time...i announce,"I'll see you guys, later". La Vieja (otherwise know as Mrs. Santiago) calls me to tell me she is off to work.

Intro: La Vieja - my wife for like 7 going on 8 years. Works the grave yard shift on the weekend. Makes me feel like a single dad. I know I should stop bitching.

Have a couple calls from others asking what I am doing. I make a couple of calls to see if people are ready. Get a call from my son asking where I was going???? Damn!!! I knew I was not scott free. I tell them I am at Local Girl's Party. I need to get inside. My daughter comes on and ask what I am doing. She tells me " Dad, you better not be drinking" She is so concerned. I love that about her. She is only six. I can't believe the comments that come out of this little girl's mouth. She is the most adorable person in the world.

Intro: Daughter - mama. Short for big mama. She was a big baby when she was born. She is more like me. She is the drama queen and the girl who loves art. I really love that about her. She is ten time smarter than I.

to be continued..........

Friday, June 24, 2005

I'll have the mind wipe please...

me gustaria cerrar los ojos. dejar que todo se me escurra por las orejas. que se me olvide todo. que se me olvide el hecho de pensar. i would love to let the dark just be the only thing that encompasses my whole being. i close my eyes and forget the world. olvidar mis penas. it sounds better i think in spanish. it really does. to forget i am a male. to forget i am who i am. ignorance is bliss... not a more truer sentence has been uttered. caminar como que no sabe nada. el que te mira con un blank stare. forget that i am sick. forget that my throat hurts. forget the heat that penetrates these building make the a/c work harder to get to the temperature needed. i want to just be able to close my eyes and forget everything. i want to forget i have all the responsibilities. the responsibilities i have of being a man, father, husband, and friend. to eradicate it for just 30 minutes. okay maybe 15 minutes. honestly, the madness seizes to take hold of my brain. then i start to be rational. then i come to my senses. but it would just be nice. it would be nice to just exist without any worries.

i have to go listen to a person rant about not wanting to take anymore responsibilities at work. how they may have to take a cat on a walk with a leash. this should be interesting. this may be a result of it being a friday. who needs a beer?? I need about a keg. jajajajajajaja.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

am i love?

Am I Love?? Sometimes I feel like I don't really need love. I want to just toppple the existing regiment. One by one break all the rules and break the shackles. The rules of engagement just need to be ignored and be able to take all you can take. Pillage and plunder the hordes of life.

I wrote this to a dear friend...their response was

dude then go for it!!!! don't think about it! just dot it!!

much unlike a nike commercial i can not. i do not know how to just grab those reigns and take my drink from the cup of life. fear is indeed strong in you, santiago wan - yoda said to the young jedi. it really is. i do not have the tools to just pillage without a conscience. does this make me a better person. yes...it does. i try to fight the logic. pero todavia tengo esa necesidad de rechazarlo tambien.

the other day, i was picking somone up to give them a ride home. i saw the embodiment of youth and was inspired to write this:

i have been experiencing a mid-life crises. i don't really know when it began. i am too you for this. can it be a result of my marriage? i should be the most happiest person in the world. there was an overwhelming sense of sadness. i'm not sure where it came from and it has gone. i really need to simplfy everything. i think i need to not want anything.

quiero sentirme vivo
como uno que no puede respirar
sin tu caricia
me falta tu risa

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

conversation worth blogging about...

another one of those conversations that reflect our distaste in the dining out crew that refuse to pay for anything other than their meal. come on people these people charge tax and you want to tip your waitress.

LocalGirl says:
hey
LocalGirl says:
u there??????/
Santiago says:
yeah, i am with a client
LocalGirl says:
do u have an extre diet pop?
Santiago says:
no , i just ran out
Local Girlsays:
dammit
Santiago says:
just finished my last one
Local Girl says:
damn u
Santiago says:
i need to go to jewels and purchase a case. those damn vending machines are cleaning us out.
Local Girl says:
u know. i hate to complain. but why is it that people act like they don't understand how much they have to put towards a bill
santiago says:
rt u hate to complain. did u sense the sarcarsm in my last statement
Local Girl says:
i mean, yes that is y i ignored and continued... anyhoo
Santiago says:
yeah they are annoying
Local Girl says:
if you order something, u see the price
Santiago says:
they want u to draw them a map
Local Girl says:
u know u have to pay tax and tip. i mean, i just don't get it
Santiago says:
oh trust me i know what you mean
Local Girl says:
its like, they only want to pay a certain amount, and so everyone else has to come up with the difference and that is just plain wrong. i hate that
Santiago says:
this is why i hate going out in groups
Local Girl says:
me too. i say seperate f-ing checks. Innosense is always good
Santiago says:
the worst part is i am the one who gets fd
Local Girl says:
she puts in what she should. i get f'd too
Santiago says:
yeah Innosense is good. she rocks
Local Girl says:
i hate being taken for a fool. i hate talkin shit. i really do
Santiago says:
i know then they stare at you blankly
Local Girl says:
but, i think Clueless B should be on a seperate check from now on
Santiago says:
hahahahaha
Local Girl says:
she is an expert at that blank look
Santiago says:
yeah, she has honed it over the years
Local Girl says:
i hate to say it but it is tru. i mean, like today her sandwich was 6.95...pretty much $7, rt.
Santiago says:
she gets what she wants
Local Girl says:
well, then tax and tip, she thought she only owed 7
Santiago says:
i would add 2 dlrs
Local Girl says:
i am thinking to myself
Santiago says:
or 1.50
Local Girl says:
what, we got to pay your tax and tip? it is ridiculous i tell u
Santiago says:
it is true but u have to love her
Local Girl says:
i just hate having to tell people how much they owe and why cuz they make it seem like i am being a jerk when i am just trying to make sure everyone doesn't get screwed u know? like when we went out to union park Dark Spock was $7, plus tax and tip technically, Santiago, i owe u a buck. but anyhoo, Clueless B was telling Dark Spock he shouldn't have to pay 9. i was like, no especially since it is going on my card. anyhoo
Santiago says:
f it
Local Girl says:
i will get off my soap box
Santiago says:
it does not matter
Local Girl says:
i just needed to get it off my chest
Local Girl says:
i know, but i am tight on money
Santiago says:
god has given me enough. i could have more, but why get greedy.
Local Girl says:
and i hate cheap skates. i wish i could cover the diff for everyone but i can't i know u are rt
Local Girl says:
i just hate that stare
Santiago says:
i know. that is why i would pay for your lunch on occasion i can deal with going out with one other person
Local Girl says:
it can get on my nerves, especially when i am tight on cash
Santiago says:
we can either pay our own check or i can foot the bill sometimes
Local Girl says:
ya, i like that way too. its the best way to do it i guess
Santiago says:
once it is three mother forget about it
Local Girl says:
i hate to say it, but am going to start getting my own chk
Santiago says:
one other f-er is trying the blank look
Local Girl says:
like when we went to union park, that is y i thought it would be good for us to spplit a chk. i should have stuck with my original plan. me and u are good about those things
Santiago says:
rt i would have paid you that would have been fine with me.
Local Girl says:
Santiago says:
that is our pact
Santiago says:
i know, that if me and u go out, we don't got to worry about money. if we go together we will cover our asses
Local Girl says:
the same with Innosense i guess not everyone is that money savy
Santiago says:
i always have been
Local Girl says:
i just think, if you don't want to spend it,
Local Girl says:
then don't go out,
Santiago says:
u cant spend what u aint got
Local Girl says:
cuz i don't want to pay it for u. u know?
Santiago says:
i feel ya
Local Girl says:
but i think that is how some people are they assume that people like u and i will cover the diff just because we want to hang out with them. we will pay the extra.

well...looks likes this is the only time we have for dinner theater. tune in next time for the exciting episode on how to clear you mind of all sort of life problems. static...static...static...static...static...static...static...static...static..static
well you get the idea.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Here I am again...

i'm revisiting an old band. caifanes (now jaguares) esos tipos sabian lo que hablaban. hablaban con la verdad y con sabiduria que le sobraba. me sorprendo que puedan inventar nuevos temas aun siendo los mismos de siempre. el tema de que somos mal entendidos. que nos veen de una forma que tal vez ellos no entienden. y nos quieren meter en un caracter que no nos cabe. no se si me explico.

i have been having a slew of thoughts but i feel i need to censor them. some things can be said out loud being that I am a guy, but others i just don't know. look at me. i'm being all melodramatic. it is not that serious.

i have been writing, but i have been lazy in putting those thoughts from one place to another. it means that i need to move my thought and feeling into words. sentiments are not always best expressed with words. i have hear a couple of preachers say, "Give your testimony of how God has been a part of your life and if you need to use words". It is a good statement. It is not always easy to do. Emotions and feelings are hard to be confined by words.

It brings me to a thing called semantics and linguistics. Where did these things called words get put together and what dictated what in reference to sad being sad. Maybe it sad is really being happy. Realistically, it is not because we have been conditioned as sad being sad, but theoretically who assigned that love means a relationship between two individuals that warrants endearment. I'm sorry. I think I am just writing.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Little ones running around like sugar plums...

I was at work and was watching a little boy play outside the reception area. I was reflecting on my kids and how they are the most wonderful things at the age of 2 to about 4. I know people talk about the terrible two's and all that jazz, but really they are unaware. It is the greatest time for me as a parent. They adore everything you do. You can do no wrong in their book. You can be nervous as heck because you do not know what you are doing, but to them you are the hero. You fix everything that is wrong. They ask you they're off the wall questions. It is a great time to be around them. I'm not saying it occurs all the time. It happens once in a great blue moon, but when it does...it can be enlightning.

Doc, I blame my mother...

Eight Reasons I can not go see a Shrink:

I can't see myself saying, "I have a problem, Doc." It could be because I am a Taurus or a Man. I can't really make up my mind. You, "females", will think it is because I am a man.
  1. My schedule does not allow it.
  2. I don't need someone telling me what to do. Belive me someone tried to. It was painful. In my head, I was saying you are not married. You have one kid. You don't have a clue.
  3. Culture Barriers. Can you see me relate to a white guy?
  4. I will stage a revolt.
  5. You can't make me go.
  6. I don't want to.
  7. There are more f'd up people than me.

I can't really think of anymore. Besides, I keep gettting interrupted.

Monday, June 13, 2005

forgive me Father for I have sinned...

I reflect on my life. I have seen many things. I have forgotten others. I have rumbled here and there and lost the will and regained my sanity. Still...I have the determination and will to be good. It is hard to do this. My mind does not sit still.

Estoy escribiendo mas. Necesito escribir aqui. Pero no tengo el tiempo. Ahora estoy escribiendo en mi sketch book. Aver si un dia lo repaso a este cuaderno. Aqui les va algo.

Inspirado por la obra de Cien Años de Soledad

Mis cien años de soleda ( o Mi hermana soledad)
como vagabundo
me encuentro asombrado
en esta mi soledad
con las maravillas de un gitano olvidado
y con tantos inventos y nuevos encantos de la tecnologia
como es que hemos resultado mas solos
relegados al olvido eterno
rumbando como espiritos perdidos
completos con nuestros recuerdos y voces
que nos acarician con tanta ternura
hundidos en el mar de tanta muchedumbre
islado con solo mis pensamientos de compania
hermeticos perfilados por el olvido
con nuestra soledad como sabana

Labels:

porque odiamos lo que mas necesitamos

perdoname sonrisa morena. i had to borrow one of your titles. it was too good to pass up.

my heads spins
reacting to a massive explosiong of work
being pulled into so many directions
why do you want to hang out in this place
it pays the bills
my head hurt though
pay no mind to it
it fills your belly with food
there has to be another way
watch what you speak
there doth lies madness
back to the grind

Labels:

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Oh no...I have been bitten by the friend bug.

I was watching this show called Freaks and Geeks. It was one of those shows that may not have made into a real long running show, but it has heart. There was this episode about a guy named Sam. He is totally in love with this girl. Isn't this how all great stories begin. Well, he joins all these after school programs to be with her more and spend more time with her. Of course...after a couple of minutes (after all this is television) she starts to think of him as a friend. The beginning of Friend Land (Captain's Log. Star Date 05/13/1985 have ventured into enemy territory and got speared with the friend arrow...bleeding badly. Don't know if I will make it....) I really should be a trekkie fan, but surprising enough I may have seen only about 2 or 3 shows. I have realized like my father, I have many side bar comments and may eventually lose track of my point. Oh there it is. I am now in the friend's zone. The zone a man does not want to be. They don't want to hear what your feeling are about another man. They just want you to start realizing that you are the best man they will ever meet. I mean ladies come on. Let us just get to the part where you fall in love with us, man. I mean seriously. Well. I know it is super early or super late. I just felt the impulse to write this. TTFN.

Friday, June 03, 2005

do we expect too much from people...

i believe we do expect too much from people. we expect them to react more like we want them to react to certain things. everyone states: "I want to be independent", and then they run off to mom, dad, friend, or who ever you feel comfortable with.

where does this come from??? it has come to my attention that i have never been out on my own. i have gone from my parent's house to living with my own family. in other words, this will never happen for me. this experience has been barred from my options. i understand, i have a family, but their is a selfish side of me that wants to be out on my own.

i want to decorate my apartment with simple furniture. i want to put up my own art work or other respected artist from across the world and time. for example, edward hopper, salvador dali, william blake, all those know individuals. i would have a simplistic form of decor. screw all the little knick knacks of recuerdos from chuchitas baptism or from primos rafas kid or some lame ass wedding or special occasion that people seem to want to frame and have it laying all over your apartment. maybe it is my lack of sentiment for bs.

in life there only very few things that are necessary. you know what here is a list of necessary things in an apartment. Inspired by Mariposa Atomica :

  1. sofa
  2. bed (1&2 can be combined based on budget)
  3. table
  4. chairs
  5. plates
  6. utensils
  7. 2 towels (face and body)
  8. bed set (2 or 3 sheets, 2 pillows, comforters or light sheets)
  9. toothbrush
  10. toothpaste
  11. coffee table
  12. television
  13. my computer (almost forgot this one)
  14. tasteful art work or pictures of family

i'm sure i am missing something, but there are some things i do not know how to name or may not want to put out there. hehehehe!!! maybe one day i will need this list or maybe not. it never hurts to be prepared. i know i got off the subject....

well...there is another chapter. i actually have to get back to work. i need to win the lottery. i guess i should really start to play. so many thoughts can't seem to write them all down (in a william shatner type monologue voice). talk to you guys later.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

have you ever come across...

i was working today and came across a beautiful creature. her name was Nichole. i mean it was love at first sight. i know i know. it would have never lasted, but she was beautiful. an angel of boticello proportions. olive tone skin with golden curly locks. she swept me away. i have come across a number of beautiful women like this only seldomly. i have never mentioned this to anyone, because then you might think of me as superficial. this is not it at all. damn it i have to go.