Lo que te quiero decir...

I want to go out with you tonight. Take me. Take me. *jumps up and down* I don't know where I stand. I do need to say I need to stop drinking. lol. $5 pitchers are hard to turn down. plus $5 burgers that are delicious. mmmm. I am hungry now. Thanks a lot. lol.

The Positives of Forgetting

Finally, he awoke and realized half way thru the day that she was not the first thing on his mind. He realized it made him a little sad to no longer have that thorn in his side. Still it was a brief second as he walked thru the busy streets absorbing the sun.

Wow...I am writing again. It will eventually fade out. I hope not. I am currently hungry. I am hoping this coffee will help with that hunger. I think I have to forget that you are listening. Maybe this is what is keeping me from really expressing what I feel. It could be that. It could be that my life is really not that interesting. I have to admit that I have lost my muse. I am sure those that I talk to have heard that statement many times. I am actually okay with that. It makes me feel a little happier.

I have managed to be happy for the first third of the year. Unfortunately, due to our human nature we have to sometimes revert to our past state. Yup, that is me. So much for progress...huh.

The other day I was thinking about the past. It got me by the throat and made me think of all my past mistakes. I always have thought that I am unlucky in love. Still, the what ifs have come back to haunt me at times. This was no exception. Stacy.... She was on Pom Pom team. She had beautiful eyes. I think for one semester or year. I can't really recall the exact time. We would meet in between classes and make out a little. lol. It was great short and no strings attached. I was wondering how come I never asked her out. I think I had a girlfriend. Teresa. These are the moment when time mixes with the past, present and to some extent the future. These are the particular moment that I need to forget.

"Put me back in the machine"

The Great What If

I am sure these are lyrics, but i hate that i am stuck on a moment. Unable to realise that it is a fleeting point in time. I need to learn to stop mixing the past with the present and feeling those moments like they are the present.

The other day i was thinking of this girl named Stacy. I knew her in high school. She was on the pom pom team. Every day for this one year, we would meet up at this stair case between classes and kiss. I never asked her out. Why? I dont know. She may have had a boyfriend. Oh she was very pretty and had beautiful eyes. At any rate, I was hurting cause of that moment. Lol. Isnt that funny.

Why hurt for such a brief moment? There is no point to it.Dreams are evil, but is all we have in lack of a better thing. Bottom line the it has always been the what ifs that kill me. In these moments, that is how I get. I listen to music as a sort of therapy and sometimes daydreams help me at points. Even then the emotion overpowers the music and my therapeutic methods.

Te quiero sentir...

Next to me. Close. Unir nuestros cuerpos como los dos arboles que se convertieron en arboles para estar juntos. Dame un pedazito de tu amor. Dejamelo sentir aunque sea un ratito. Yo ya se como perder.

I want to see her smile. Even if it is not for me. Like the great chess masters that sit in front of each other...I have worked out all the moves. I can see when it will end. I can see that it will end. We are all moving towards that last move that will end this game.

I have something to say...

Good evening. I am going to start this one with a question. Why are relationships so difficult? The games we play. The lies we tell each to keep the fairy tale alive. I want to just tell you how I feel. Even if it's wrong. Even if u may laugh. Instead, I feel like I am walking a thin line.

Without Direction

I have a slight headache. I don't know what that is all about. I am here. I don't know where to begin. Instead, I dream of running. Running to a beach. Mind you, I am not a big beach person. Go figure. It could be work. It would be the only thing that is wrong in the grand scheme of things.

Familywise, we are all doing great. Well...pre-teen stuff. My oldest is slamming and yelling. Routine stuff. Not really much to fuzz over.

Musicwise, I have been listening to a bunch of great indie bands. Turns out I am in love with Indie bands. I can't get enough.

Lovewise, I got nothing. I know. I know. The obvious direction is the Ms. It could be the spring air. It makes me restless. So, if you know anyone. Lol.