Wednesday, November 30, 2005

still untitled

la veo que pasa
i shake my head
trato de entender
no veo lo que me atrae
sera puro deseo
pero no es nada que digamos
no esta super chula
sera que me trata con desprecio
pero por que necesito
esta mala vida

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Que dia tan helado

Good Morning.
It is a mighty chilly day here in the windy city. I have a hat, gloves, and a trucker vest to keep me warm. I don't think it is working. I am still freezing. I was so cold last night, too. It was one of those moments I wished I could stay under a nice warm thick comforter and never leave my bed. The warmth of the cafe con leche is welcomed by my cold hands. I will drink tea the rest of this day.

Memory: The Vanity.
It was some sort of gathering for a birthday of the family or just a night for the adults. I was my fifth or sixth year of marriage. I was speaking to one of my wife's old high school friend. We were art majors. So...we had been in classes together. We were reliving some of those old boring teachers that would look at us with disgust because we were teenagers. Well...that was Mr. Grace and Mr. Juliano. They never said anything but I could sense it in the way the looked down on us. Well...there was this girl in the class. Her name was A******. I had admired her art and maybe a little more than her art. She was an extraordinary painter with oils and acrylics. Her masterpieces were beautiful. She was also very pretty. I remember she had these little doll shoes that she would wear. I used to love the doll shoes. It made her even more appealing. She had long black, straight hair with her bangs cut a little above the brow.

At any rate, I remember having the conversation with one of my wife's friends. A***** came up about how she used to love my art work. I used to use multi mediums. One of the most popular pieces was a chair. The chair was painted black and white and it also had a bunch of my poetry. I remember that chair. It took me a long time to choose the poems to write on the chair. I really do not remember what my explanation of the piece was or the assignment. All I remember was pouring my heart on this piece. Well...here comes the vanity. My wife's friend (lets call her florida kid) was commenting on what ever happened to that chair. How A***** used to point me out in the halls to Florida Kid. A***** thought I was so talented and so cool. All I heard was A***** was making a big fuss over me. Being that I like this girl a little I was all intrigued and "Please, tell me more". Eventually my brain kicked in and I seized and desisted. Still...it was nice to hear that this girl used to make a big deal over me. Especially since I admired her so much. I would have exchanged the words for the brush strokes.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

El Indio Tizoc

un catrin de piel morena
viene por alli
te dice solo la verdad
nunca te miente
siente que no cuadra
se alisa el pelo
con eso se olvida de todo
vive en sus sueños
siempre enamorado
quiere con todo su alma
todo puro y bello
no le teme a nada
vive en el presente
siempre rastrea
aunque no sabe que busca
sera la felicidad
corazon disponible
para que todos lo vean
solo necesitas escuchar
no te oculta nada
pero no quiere pleito
solo quiere existir
tranquilo

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Monday, November 28, 2005

amanece uno de el dia de accion de gracias

it has been hard to get back to work. well...it is not that bad, but it is hard to get back to speed. i have managed to get back up to date. i'll be damn if I am going to stay late. well...i am still a little behind. it will take me a couple days to get back up to date. i just got a lame little project on my plate. i say lame because it is things that this person does not want to do because it is tedious. i guess that is how the cookie crumbles. speaking of cookies. i think i need to go and get one. i have some many thoughts running thru my head. i have a poem i am working on that is kind of a depiction of me. it will be labeled "el indio tizoc". aver como nos sale. the poem was born of an idea that we had from my last lunch date with sonrisa. al quitarme la gorra me alize el pelo. le recorde a sonrisa del indio tizoc de las peliculas de pedro infante. bueno ay luego veran.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

me sigo enamorando

no me lo explico...
me sigo enamorando
de la vida
de las bellas mujeres
de mi propio mal
de la luz del dia
de lo nuevo

hola bloggers,

hasta alli termino el poema. no puede sacar mas. yo se...ya era hora, no? bueno estado como ama de casa. estoy de vacaciones en mi casa. esta un poco frio pero todo esta bien. i do not feel like typing a lot so here is an e-mail i sent to sonrisa:

I watched Home Alone with the kids over the weekend. It was the first time they watched it. It was nice. We all snuggled on the couch and watched it. I should have made popcorn. Oh well. I made them dinner before then. It was burned fish sticks. I should have sticked to my original plan. I was going to make spaghetti with all the trims and some buttered garlic bread. Instead I went with the burnt fish sticks and the tater tots. We had no aluminum foil and I used wax paper. It would have been okay, but i was afraid the wax paper was going to burn. I should have been worrying about the fish sticks instead right. Oh well. I kept apologizing for burning them. My son told me to not worry about it. He said, "I like them a little crunchy". Jajajajajaja! My kids are so sweet when they want to be. They can be a pain at others. Well that was my saturday. Oh I ended up watching The Omen. It was a little scary. It was not really that bad.

i do not really recall what i did on sunday. except go to church and went to my mom's nothing really exciting.

i did finally make the spaghetti and home made sauce with italian sausages and garlic bread. this was on monday. i should have added the cheese to the bread. oh well. i just thought about it.

"to my surprise with half close eyes things looked even better than when they were open" lyric from Depeche Mode.

sorry about that...to my surprise, my daughter loved the sauce. i was surprised. she even asked for some more. she hates ketchup and anything to do with tomatoes, but loves pizza. i will have to keep that little recipe. in the morning i exercised and walked. i walked to aldi on cermak, then to cermak produce on cicero and cermak. i was on a hunt for the italian sausages. they did not have them at aldi or cermak. i finally bought them at la chiquita on 50th and cermak. thru this whole time i was listening to my trusty ipod. i love that thing. thanks to my wifey and the kiddies. the truly love me. i cleaned a little at home got into the radiators to clean them. moved the couch and cleaned under. i forgot to water the plant i have. poor thing will probably die soon. lets hope not. i have had that plant for like three years now. i do not have a cute cat like sonrisa. i really love the scarf by the way sonrisa.

let me go get some water before i forget. there...i saved my plant. jajajaja! i was walking to Menards today. i felt like writing that little poem about loving people and everything and everyone. i do love everyone. although i do hate some people, i try not dwell on those individuals. well...i am off to put plastic on the windows in the hopes my gas bill wont be sky high this year.

thought for the day: lets love everyone no matter how they treat us. love will conquer all.

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Friday, November 18, 2005

F-R-I-D-A-Y...

It is finally Friday. I have been waiting for this day for a lot of reasons. I will be on vacation next week. Yes!!! Oh, I will still have to get up early. My body does not know when I go on vacation. Apart from that there are my kids that I need to get them out of bed and ready. They will still be in school for three days out of next week. Also, it is Thanksgiving. I am really looking forward to the Turkey and Lasagna. I know, I know!! We are Mexicans. What are we doing celebrating with the Turkey?

Here is a funny story. My parents never were a big fan of Thanksgiving. We would sometimes get together with family and have some tamales or some pozole. You know it worked for me. I got to have some delicious tamales made by my aunt. My mom does not really have a good hand for making them. We would celebrate as a time with family. When I got married her family celebrated Thanksgiving the traditional way. They made the complete feast. I used to hate it at first because there were always the arguments and the disasters that could have been avoided. Eventually I evolved. I grew. You can dub it what you will. I started to help. I started to help with the cooking. It was the only way I could avoid the arguments and the disasters. For example, the one time we had to wait until 9 to eat our turkey. Someone forgot the turkey was frozen and that it was going to take longer to cook. It was not me. I never get to cook the turkey. I help with everything else, but my wife has the turkey. The turkey is her baby. Anyway, the running joke is that every year we plan for dinner at 6 and to this day we have never actually sat down to eat at this time. It is always close to six, but never at six. And that is all I am going to say about that....

Thursday, November 17, 2005

cosas que decir

te amo!
i love you!
por que te espantas?
no quieres que te ame?
yo eso ya lo se...
pero por que no te dejas?
el amor es gratis
no te lo cobro
hay que dejar que te amen
si no luego se seca
como la flor sin agua
te clamo por favor
no dejes que se apague
el calor de mi corazon

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Waving My Thumb

pick me up
it is time to ride
go and paint this town tonight
make like with the mad hat fun
take you where ever you want to go
never stop until you let me end
end this dream

even if it is my will
this is not about me
you drive this ride tonight
i will chase you til we can't no more
until we are spent
or discover no more
say good night

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Restless night

I had gone to sleep. I spent about 30-40 minutes tossing and turning. I was like a kid. My mind kept racing with different ideas. I started to get an alergic reaction to something. Maybe I am allergic to sleep. Jajajajajajaj! I still can not tell what it is that I am alergic to. This is like the 3rd time it has happened in like 2 or 3 months. It is very infrequent. Well...in the wake of the moment. I wrote this. I have no title.

te suplico que dejes
pares de...
ya no insistas mas
dejame...
mi mente en paz
suelta mi alma
ya no quiero pensar en ti
te digo que ya
pero porque sigues aqui
en medio de mi
no se que haces aqui

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Monday, November 14, 2005

en un entonces...

te acuerdas de los dias
pasabamos corriendo por las calles
agarrados de la mano
alegres con nuestro amor
nada nos podia tocar
contabamos los minutos
las horas entre nuestros encuentros
los momentos sin la presencia del otro
parecia una eternidad
la pasabamos como niños pretendiendo ser adultos

ahora nos ves juntos
apenas una frase dicha
nos duele soltar entre nosotros...
con esa sonrisa plastica
sin algo de calor detras la fasada
con esos ojos apagados...
esperando el tiempo que nos puedamos apartar
cada dia se siente mas largo la distancia
aun que estoy aqui a tu lado.
transparente

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My kids are something else

My son comes into my room a little bit before I wake up. He wraps his whole body all over me. I pretend to still sleep. It was cute. He eventually gets up and proceeds to wake up his sister. I decide it is time for me to actually wake up. It is about 6:30am. They are busy getting their own breakfast for a change. I see that they are about to serve themselves some pan dulce. I think to my self, "I guess that will be okay". I have some reservation with them getting hopped up on sugar and then going to school. I decide it will be okay. They need the extra boost on a Monday. I proceed to get into the shower. I hate my shower and scream all sorts of obscenities at it in my head while I am taking a shower. The hot water can not decide if it is going to stay hot or if it will shift to extremely cold water. It is my morning routine to yell at the shower in my head and say, "puta madre". Mira este no que muy santito!! I never said I was un santo!! Meanwhile my children decide they will take turns using the bathroom and washing their hands. Taking even more of the stupid hot water. Anyway, I come out of the bathroom to find them with their place mats and food in front of the television. They were about to watch Clifford or whatever they show on channel 11. I look at their plates. My son has a piece of month old Popeye's chicken along with a piece of string cheese wrapped with ham and a bolillo with jelly in it. My daughter had a plate with something similar except una concha con jelly in it instead of the bolillo and a hotdog in her ham and string cheese combo. I yelled at them and felt bad about it. I am glad i got to them before they ate the month old Popeye's chicken. I was so upset. I can laugh about it now. These kids are something else. I made them clean the whole mess up and throw out all the things except the pan dulce con jelly. They had that for breakfast along with milk or juice. Meanwhile I am trying to get their uniforms and my clothes ironed. It was a hectic morning. I got them ready for Mrs. Santiago to get them to school. I still can not believe they were going to eat all that for breakfast.

Friday, November 11, 2005

my mind has been running

here is another little short poem. my mind keeps racing. i sometimes do not have time to write them out completely. there are times i am thinking about a feeling and or some emotion and i get the urge to write. most of the time i am riding my bike or driving my car and there is nothing to write the material down. all i am left is with the emotions and the feeling that something good was about to be born.

The Possibilities
Well take a look at me now.
thinking about thinking of you.
laying our heads on the grass.
you made me feel like i could take the world

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El Fantasma- Arbol

Esta es una bella cancion. Here are the lyrics:
Salgo volando
por la ventana,
y tantos días
quedan atrás.
Ya no me duelen
todas las cosas
que ayer me podían molestar.
Son cajones que se cierran
para que nadie los vea.
Son palabras que no
pude decir.
Pero ya no me importa,
porque nada me toca,
y no hay nada vivo
dentro de mí.
Floto en el aire
desde esta tarde,
cuando mi cabeza
explotó.
Ahora el piso es de nubes
y me asomo cada tanto
a espiarte desde
donde estoy.
Y veo, y vuelo.
Y veo, y vuelo.
El barrio se ilumina
y la noche se hace día.
Brilla como un árbolde navidad.
Y estoy alto muy alto,
y las luces de los autos
que se frenan cada tanto,
y vuelven a arrancar.
Y veo, a la gente corriendo
como una coreografía sin fin.
Y huelo como en una avioneta,
el olor a fugazeta que cocina mamá.
Y me acuerdo de aquél día
en que decías:
"Si pudieras ser
un pájaro ¿Qué harías...?"
Ahora que floto
y no siento lo que toco
y la gente no me ve pasar.
Voy a aprovechar
para ir a buscarte,
y contarte como es todo por acá.
Algunas mañanas pasa
la abuela Yolanda
y nos vamos juntos
a pasear.
Y te manda un saludo
el marido de Pocha,
que me juega al ajedrez
y no le puedo ganar.
Y dale para adelante
con el pibe de a la vuelta,
que a la tarde te pasó a visitar.
Yo te sigo esperando,
porque nada me apura
y algún día todos vienen para acá.
Y veo (y veo), y vuelo (y vuelo).
Y veo (y veo), y vuelo (y vuelo).
Y veo (y veo), y vuelo (y vuelo).
Y lloro (y lloro) un poco (un poco).

Thursday, November 10, 2005

the morning commute

untitled

bound by hands
she kisses ... me
grips ... me
lose my sense
feel the passion washing over me
i whisper, "be gentle"
feel her warm lips on me
the excitement builds to a frenzy
start to tingle
"go slow"
wait for it...
hold...
hasta que no puedo mas
my mind unravels
explodes into fragments
must have been a good time
must have been a good time
i smile...
who judges??

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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Los deseos del corazon

pienso que quiero
o que te quiero
te deseo
sentirte
por adentro
explotar en orgasmo
en emociones

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

10 Things I will like to do but am afraid to do.

  1. pierce my tongue
  2. dye my hair red
  3. get a tattoo (i was born in the year of the dragon... a dragon on my shoulder )
  4. get into a real fist fight (the fight in grammar school does not count you do not really feel that terror)
  5. buy a motorcycle like the one depicted here (it is not actually in production that is why I can not buy it)
  6. have long hair (i mean like a samurai-long)
  7. speak with the complete truth (i mean like being bluntly honest, i know this one could kill me in the end.
  8. quit my job and say f$^%& to the man!!!
  9. revolt against any and all rules and responsibility ( i know this one should be number one)
  10. take pictures of a female model (like in a photo shoot)

i have others that may sound a little crazy. so...i will keep them to myself.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Blah Monday




las cosas que hago por mis hijos. i am not catholic and yet i have attended two masses. my son is an altar server at St. Mary of Czestochowa. i know that is a mouthful. i keep hoping that this feat will earn me some brownie points with the man upstairs. i know it does not, but it is nice to hope. i usually try to pray and follow the mass and all the goings on. i just feel weird. it feels like i am living a double life.

i also had to clean up vomit for my son. he did not make it to the toilet. instead he opted for the bathroom sink. it was nice. here i am cleaning up my bathroom at about 1am in the morning. my son is okay. he just throws up whenever he eats a lot in the evening and then goes to bed. it is like his digestive system revolts against him.

i have all these poems i would like to write, but i do not have pen and paper when i am thinking of them. all i have is the emotions left over from the thought process. i am usually driving with my kids or on my bike. oh well..se la vi!!

Friday, November 04, 2005

the madness continues...


Another Unfortunate Series of Events

well...here goes. i decided to bike today. the weather is nice and i decided to be a man and bike home in the dark. i awake to hoarse talking children. i go to walgreens to get some medicine for my daughter. i have serious been to walgreens three times in the span of two days. i go over there at 7. the world must be sick or they did not receive a shipment of their medicine. they were running super low on everything. i could not get a medicine that was for a cough and a sore throat. i browse thru all their medication and nothing. tons of other medicine for other symptoms. i decide to make one last overview of the children section of medicine. i kid you not...the one for cough and sore throat jumped out at me. i could have sworn that it was not there before. i take it and run and make sure it works without making my daughter drowsy.
pay for the item and run home.

i get home and give her the medicine. i get my clothes ready and then i also get my lunch ready. i brush my teeth. grab my bookbag and head towards the back. get my back and walk out the back of the house thru the porch. i walk towards the front via the side walkway. and then get this...i pause. yes, i totally pause before leaving. i actually was walking kind of slow too. my subconcious was giving my brain a chance to remember that i forgot my bike locks.

im biking down ogden without a care in the world. i'm even making good time. my body welcomes the exercise. se siente bien manejar mi burra. i think, "it is going to be a good day." i get to my office. i go by the bike rack and take out my keys for the locks. i open the bookbag and to my surprise. there are no bike locks to be found. i flashback to the moment i take out the locks to put my clothes into the bookbag. i never put them back into the bookbag. i laugh out loud. yes...i laugh out loud. pienso," ¡que idiota soy!" i proceed to decir maldiciones. vencido decido que voy a meter la burra. the building manager spots me, "Hey...you can't bring in the bike!" Another onslaught of maldiciones, in my head, of course. I beg and plead to no avail. He points to the door. I start to panick. It is 8:01am. I start at 8:30. I'm thinking it can't get any worse.

i call my wife to see if she can bring them to me. i know she will not be able to bring them to me. she does not answer. Damn!!! i call my mother to ask if my dad has any bike locks. she proceeds to tell me that she will look and bring what ever they have. she finds a weird looking twisty chain of sorts and a chain link. tell her to bring whatever she has and then start the ackward wait for my mom to get to my office. the waiting game of sticking out like a sore thumb. this is my own mental thoughts. i do not belong here. various co-workers give me a weird look as they come into my office. this is the most uncomfortable feeling. i hate having to explain the situation a million times. so...i decide to not look like me. hahahaha!!! i know, i read it. my mom gets here to save the day. i thank her profusely. she also bring me jugo de zanahoria. juice she made herself with her extractor. it was ok. not exactly what i wanted for breakfast, but you have to love her for it. after i chain up the bike i run to my office.

it is 8:31am. i start to unpack all my things and decide i am just going to get dressed into my work clothes. it can't get any worse, right? wrong. i forget my black dress shoes. again, i start to laugh. this day has been a series of unfortunate events. one right after the other. needless to say, i am hoping the big boss does not see me with gym shoes. she is really picky about how we should dress. we have to be presentable to the nines. i never really understood that statement, but there it is. i hope your days are better than this. after all it is sunny out there. hasta la proxima aventura bloggeros.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

madness..


it has been nothing but madness. it all began last night. my wife's purse got stolen. i can't wait until that whole mess is over. i had to take the train in. i can't bike in anymore. it gets dark by the time i leave my office. i hate that in particular. i came across this comic strip and decided to post it. it is too funny. it perked up my day a little. enjoy!!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

thing that fright: continued...

i have to keep this short. i really should do some actual work here.

i was having a conversation with Mrs. Santiago. she is currently working on a nursing career. so...she works with cadavers and all sorts of human body type things. she is soul-bent on getting me into her school to visit the morgue or place they keep the cadavers. by the way, this was a 30 minute conversation with the end result being that there is no way in hell i was going. here is a little insight on me:

Things that Scare the Bejeepers Out Me
  1. Dead people (dead things-no matter what they are)
  2. cemeteries
  3. dark basements
  4. ouija boards(sp?)
  5. forests at night
  6. the Book of Revelations
  7. Night of the Living Dead (movie) just writing the name scares me.

Listening to : La Casa de los Gritos- Libido