Friday, July 29, 2005

I AM NOT A MALE CHAUVINISTIC PIG!!!

Or am I?? It has been brought to my attention that I have treated the fairer sex with much kinder words than the rougher sex. I was under the assumption that I treated everyone equally. I use humor to talk to everyone. I am and have always been a friendly guy. I am friendly with the guy trying to sell me a cell phone with all the bells and whistles. I am friendly with the cashier at the JCPenny. I mean this all depends on my mood of course. There are times I do not even breath a word at the register. I know there was a piece on DateLine about this sort of thing. The beautiful people always get more attention. I think that can be said across the board. Although, I have done things here and there where I pay attention to all people. My theory has always been to treat people as you would like to be treated. There is enough negative karma in the world without me contributing to these negative vibes. I want to just love everyone. I want hugs and kisses to be passed out at all times to all people. Let's face it. We need these hugs. We need the kisses.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

hay mi sonrisa morena...

que seria de mi sin tí. my heart would wilt and dry out. there comes a time in a person's life that they come to notice that they have some really great friends. they are the best friends that will never leave. decades have gone by and it is as if time stands still. you know who you people are but one i have to especially note right now. la bellisima sonrisa morena como las hemos visto de maravilla y de amargura. pero siempre hemos estado juntos en espíritu. no importa la distancia.

the walks around our college. those moments of sweet conversation. talking about life and the most recent drama in it. dreaming of running away to san diego and had i pursued it...well, i may have been writing this from that far away land where the sun shines perpetually and the white snow is only seen in movies. hahahaha. those were some beautiful moments. gracias mi, sonrisa morena. como te extraño.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

bottling certain things

there are moments in my life that just make me giddy. maybe i am using the wrong terminology. i just get so excited about being. that is just it. just being. those are the moments that i would love to bottle and just take as needed. can you imagine? (sound of pop can opening) chug, chug, chug and voila instant happiness. i know i know. they are called drugs. i don't like taking conventional medicine. i want a natural high.

Monday, July 25, 2005

necesito distraccion...mas bien no necesito

queria escribir esto el domingo, pero por estar ocupado se me olvido. estuve en misa y mientras el pastor estaba predicando...mi mente estaba pensando en otras cosas. i know. deberia estar poniendo atencion. no se porque me distraigo facilmente. empeze a escribir una lista de lo que me gustaria hacer atraves de las proximas semanas. por que no tengo la lista...se que se me olvidaron varias cosas. pero hay les va:

  • need to plan my life better
  • necesito orar mas
  • need to forget about all other women except my wife and daughter
  • need to speak to God more
  • need some time to take care of myself
  • necesito olvidar y escribir mas cartas a mis amigos
  • learn to manage my time more
  • learn to put God ahead of everything

as mentioned before, this is a list that i was thinking about while in church. there are some missing pieces. i know it. i will update this later. have a happy monday!!!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

i like getting real mail

you know what stinks. we don't get any real mail. i mean an envelope with an actual letter that expresses their ideas and thoughts. i used to get one or two pieces of mail from family in mexico. those days are over.

now all we get is junk mail. credit card companies wanting you to use their credit card and how they have better interest rates with ranges from 0% to 9.99% for 6 or 12 months.

i do not even get bills anymore. i pay my bills on-line. i even miss going to the post office and purchasing stamps because i ran out and need more to mail my bills. it is sad that i really looked forward to mailing my bills. i am a little anal about all those things. i like to have my bills paid on time. it is even better to pay your bills on-line. althought i resisted paying stuff on-line for a long while. thinkning people are crazy.

it would scare me to put my things out there in cyber world. but now i figure why be afraid. you miss out on a lot of things if you are afraid of the world. i wish people would not be afraid. i mean have common sense, but we should not be afraid. we need to trust in ourselves and more importantly in God.

So the lesson for today. I love real mail. Avoid all the junk e-mailers and pay your bills on-line. Don't be afraid of the world. I just sounded like a commercial. I love you guys. I just feel love. Ok...that is a topic for another time.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

going thru some old pictures.

i was looking at some old pictures of me and the family. i wish i had a scanner. i need to steal my brothers. i think he was giving it away the last time i heard.

side bar: i usually resist taking things from my brother. it has a lot to do with him giving me hand me downs and him being younger than I. i always thought it should be my hand me downs going to him. he batters his thinks and then gives it to people and acts like we should name his first born after him. it could be my pride too. damn u, pride!!!

it made me wish i was back there. i remembered being a kid and living in basements with 3 aunts and uncles to save money because my parents had just come over from mexico and didnt know Chicago too much. my dad had a band called los cuatro aces de guerrero. they would practice in our living room. imagine a band in the picture and a little kid in front singing his heart out. my dad does not play in a band anymore, he doesn't even play anymore. this makes me sad a little. it means there is a certain culture being lost for my kids.

they will not have the closeness of family. i dont think i can explain it. the feeling of kids fighting over toys that dont even belong to them. being crammed into a 2 bedroom with 3 families. we are no longer in those times. we are now living in the age of prosperity. every body has a little something. honestly, we still want more, but we have something. we have our own rooms.

to be continued....

raising kids according to George Lopez...Why you crying??

i decided to take George Lopez on the road. I have a cd of his called Team Leader. it is one funny cd. while at Mcdonalds, i was arguing with my kids about them going on the play area.

daughter: can i go and play.

dad: yes...wait no you can't.

daughter: (while crying) why? i'll keep my shoes on.

dad: you need to have socks on.

son: let her go dad. she can keep her shoes on.

dad: NO!! you guys need to have shoes on.

daughter: (still crying)but why???

dad: (using George Lopez philosophy) Why you crying? Stop crying. Hey, you want to come back to McD's then stop crying. You want me to buy you a Happy Meal again, then get happy.

daughter: (while still crying and almost done) yeah! (sniffle) Ok.

dad: come on get happy. and i will buy you a happy meal the next time we come.

meanwhile dad had to show my son the sign. kids must take off shoes and wear socks on while in the play are at all times. it was a had to be there moment. it was funny.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

it is summer...

querido bloggers:
para los que quieren escuchar. i have found it hard to pour my heart out with a limited amount of time. durante el verano, es tiempo de visitar a esta or este. no se olviden los que se estan cambiando. unos que corren para north carolina otros que se van para el ghetto. i tell you it is hard to keep track.

it is hard to keep up or deal with screaming children at 10 at night. children that do no listen to their parents. i am literally frustrated. i love them, but they are so spoiled. i miss the old days when the parents would beat the living day lights out of us because we said, "why?" let us not forget when they use to use the extension cord for the plancha or the wooden spoon in the kitchen. it was pretty much the closest weapon they could find. the belt was always the best one. i remember trying to hide it too. they always got another one. i should have behaved more.

my father's birthday was on sunday. we went over to "la sopita". my daughter calls Huck Finns "la sopita". it is a good breakfast place that is open 24 hrs. it is on the corner of damen and archer. it does not have the best food, but the pancakes are really good. i also love their chopped steak. my daughter loves the soup there always orders that with fries. we have ordered a lot of items on the menu for her, but she always ends up eating or asking for a bowl of soup with fries. bueno...as we were walking there. i was discussing some business ventures with my father (huh, doesn't that sound fancy). actually they are selling their house because of some shady things that are going on in their life with family members. i really want to buy a home with them to get some property. everything is so expensive, pero La Vieja no quiere. i spend most of my weekends with my mom and some family. it would make sense. a la misma vez, i can understand. sometimes i want to go to my home away from them. quien nos entiende. so...we are discussing thing and i start to remember having my parents send me to get cigarettes at the age of 7 or 8. they would sell me the cigarettes. sometimes i got lucky and got to get some candy with the change. it was the best. they would also send us to get milk at the corner store. flash to the future, my daughter asked me if she can go to the corner gas station to buy something. i told her no. i was wondering maybe i am being over protective, but then again she is only 6. what do you guys think? i just think it is strange how we have pamper our youth now. it may be a sign of the times too. i just don't know.

perdonen for the blurts. i just typed what i thought.

sinceramente,

Santiago.

P.S.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

lets not pollute our emotions or censor them

quiero decirto cuanto te quiero
no me gusta frenar este sentimiento
esta muy fuerte para encarcelarlo
es mejor morir
y no poder dejarme sentir
este amor que suele venir de adentro
que me grita que te toque
no dejar de abrazarte
colgarme de cuello
besarte por toda tu piel
sentir tu corazon
palpitando junto al mio
con la fuerza de un rio feroz
la coriente que no me suelta o me deja suspirar
me enloqueze tu presencia
tu olor me embriaga

esto poema se lo dedico a la que fue expulsada al pais de las maravillas. nunca sabra lo que siento. aunque nunca le oculto nada. pero tambien se puede dedicar a las mujeres que son bellas por adentro y tambien por afuera.

les digo a la gente...quedate quieto. deja de pensar. siente tu ambiente. deja la logica. aggarate de la vida y no la sueltes. aprende a querer sin condiciones. habita en el descontrol.

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Saturday, July 09, 2005

it's saturday night...

well...it is and I am home alone. no kids no wife and no one to keep me company. it happens. the unexpected moments when you are all alone. there are no responsibilities. i download some music. i drink some tequila withe pepsi one. actually, let me refresh that glass. i'm back. i have just drank three pepsi one's with about 5 to 6 shots of tequila. i know i should stop but i just can't. es mi tiempo para deshogarme de todo lo que tengo adentro. i have not really had a moment to reflect or really just be myself. am i an alcoholic? maybe...i really don't think so. i really need to take care of myself. you see i am a diabetic. i really should not be drinking. i really should be exercising. i should be watching what i eat and not pigging out on sweets and all the arrachera. i love it though. the arrachera. the best meat out there cooked on a grill with some chiles gueros. there really is no point. I am just really typing and spilling me guts out. i have not really been touched by death. i do thank my lucky stars. i have not had to endure that sort of pain. i have only endured the pain of loss of love and being in a relationship that may have died a long time ago. maybe i should stop. i should not go on anymore. it can incriminate a person. i can't bear her cries and her hanging on to a love that is not there.

Billy Corgan rocks. Thanks Dr. Vodka for reminding me of how great this man is. Here is my Billy Corgan Siting. It was 1994. I was a Freshman in HS. I know that is a long time ago. There was this guy named Mike. Mike was a burnout in HS. I thought he was an interesting guy. He loved this group. A group called Smashing Pumpkins. He was raving about this band. I should go see them at the Rose Records that used to be on Belmont and Ashland. I went and to my surprise got a chance to see Smashing Pumpkins when they were promoting their Ghish album. It was the best time of my life. I got to see them play live. Well...it was one of the best times of my life. I got to see Billy Corgan and Darcy play live. I had no money to buy their Ghish album. I really do not remember why. I was a poor mexican boy. I could have had their album autographed by the band. It would have been great. I had the Maldita Vecindad Album Monstrous signed by that band, but I have managed to lose it. I have a lot my great CD's lost. I do not know where they have gone. Well...that is my Billy Corgan and Smashing Pumpkins Story. It is a really nice one. I guess I do have stories. I just need to remember them. You member, member.

Friday, July 01, 2005

un confesional por que nose puede vivir con tanto veneno

me siento un poco triste. me quiero confesar y lavarme de mis penas. no se si lo puedo cumplir. no soy catolico...so no es por falta de un padre. entiendo que nadien que me conoce leera esta confesion. bueno hay vamos,

me da algo de tristeza y coraje al escuchar que alguien le va bien en las cosas del amor. por que me tiene que dar coraje? no se. bueno, creo que ya se las razones pero aun no quiero revelarlas. siento que estoy perdiendo muchas cosas de la vida. me duele que la felicidad se me escapa. escucho otros que les va bien. que estan embarcando en una nueva jornada. les espera aventuras no previstas pero las superaran con nuevo resolucion en que su amor...amistad...compania esta entera.

quiero desahogarme de este veneno. por que me esta convirtiendo el corazon en una piedra negra. quiero rechazar esto. lo quiero rechazar todo. es todo por ahora que puedo suportar.