why do you tell me things i dont want to hear...

if i really wanted to know i would ask. i dont want to know. i have told you this before. then why insist on telling me this information. i dont want to know.

honestly, i think i have a sign printed on my forehead. there are a lot of people that tell me things that are more of a tmi situation. trust me i dont want to know how many you have (insert sexual or embarrasing admission).

SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAMMMMMM!!!!

I rode in today. It was a good ride. I got here on time. I love the energy I have when I get here. Still...I want to scream. I need to get to Chanclitas and get another book. I miss reading. I know...I am a nerd. It is okay. Here are some words that haunt my brain.

She came in...
lighting with a flash
gone.
Whispers to her,
"You no longer need me,
Please let me go."
More a plea,
than a surrender.

Okay...I think my brain is broken. I need another one. Thanks.

In other news, I want to get back on track. I want to be where I was before. I am almost there. I just need a few more miles. I am not really sure what this all means. It is me just thinking out loud.

un grande parte...

my parents grew up listening to him. he blasted while i tried to sleep on saturday morning. we cleaned to his music. we drank to his music. i learned two days ago about the death of Antonio Aguilar. it is sad cause i remember him. how much his music helped me in times of heart ache.
lets share a moment of silence.

.....

i was talking to my wife. it was those rare occasions that almost never happen. Antonio Aguilar was from her parents home town. he was at my wife's uncles wedding. i mean we have home video footage of him at the church ceremony. it was kind of cool. we knew someone famous. sort of. lol. ttyl.

Love is everywhere

I bought the latest version of Peter Pan. I really like this movie. I think it is because the central theme is about love. Innocent love. The coming of age love. The love that you dont really know what it is, but it is there in subconcious.

Peter and Wendy struggle for their feelings. One to be free spirited, but feels the love there. The other to be wanted and loved. The story is told beautifully in this movie. I was watching it with my daughter last night. She loves the movie too. I am just glad we shared it together. These are the memories I strive for. At least, I hope she remembers the part where we watched it together. She looked at me when her favorite scene came on. She saw I was enjoying the same scene and it was a moment that we shared. Let us hope she recalls that later in life and forgets that she did not want to get in the shower and go to bed. Even though I forced her to get in the shower and to bed and how she cried. Lets hope she forgets that part. LOL. It was late. It was almost 10. I know it is summer. I dont believe in kids staying up past ten. It is not good for them. They need their sleep. She always gets up at 6 too. Its like summer. Sleep in.

Make sure to check out this version. I think I will always have this movie in my heart.

it is always the smiles

i got a smile from one of my clients. i remembered her last year. she came in...got her information. it was quick and simple. this time was no different. she really made my day. i loved her smile. it also helped that she was really cute.

on another note, happiness is very elusive. there is no clear drawn out map to the pursuit of happiness. i am never 100% completely happy. i dont anyone ever really is. still...i believe happiness hides from me. i was talking to a close friend about happiness and marriage. i am not going to deny it. my marriage has its ups and downs. don't get me wrong. we have our moments of being super happy. to the point that it makes me sick. it is those other moments...the ones that stick out in your mind. lets face it, we focus on the negative. well...i do. anyway, i was talking to her about this topic. my question to her was...are we ever going to be happy? she told me, yes. it may take a while. she also commented that her parents were the same when they were growing up. this makes me think. the happiness comes later, huh. well...no one put that in the damn brochure. lol.

purging unnecessary things...

i really loved the book i just read. it is by Paulo Coelho. The Zahir. i love his style of writing. there is something so magical about his style of writing. i have had the same thoughts. it is like he plucked those thought and ideas from my head. it was amazing. i was also going thru a dark stage in my life. i really was. the book helped me let things go. it is thru our stories...that once they are told...we can learn to let go. im not sure i completely told my story, but my Zahir...let me go.



honestly, i have been dealing a lot with being lonely. i mean...i am with the kids all the time, but i dont think they count. i cant talk to them about many things, but it is childish things. i can say, "you can never tell with bees". they would know what i am talking abuot. it is a winnie the pooh thing. at any rate, the adult interaction was lacking. finally, i got a few people to talk to about approaching this topic. i got it resolved. i also got a chance to speak to an old friend. it was nice. i thought she was avoiding me. ok...i really was not calling her or we were playing phone tag. we finally got together.

leave witha parting shot: please i am new to life...so work with me here. lol.

...of alcohol abuse and regret.

it has come to my attention that i may be abusing alcohol. the reason i mention this is because the other day. i drank a whole bottle of wine and almost got a slight buzz. in addition, went out with my brother-in-law for his birtday. we drank like gobs of drinks. i mean we ran up a really high bill. i barely got a good buzz. had a wedding the following night. there was massive amount of alcohol consumed. i finally got a semi buzz. so...ladies and gentlemen. i think i have been abusing alcohol a little too much. it is time for me to detox a little. this way...when i have my next wine glass. i will get light headed as i drink and catch a buzz before i reach my second glass. oh the days when that was the case. i blame it on the whiskey. lol.

i also had a dream about regrets. i fugure i would list a few. i do not want to list them all. i would never end. i regret letting her manage my money. my bad...our money. i regret talking to her. no...not her...not her either. yeah her. i regret the kisses that turned into pain. i regret not finishing my masters. well...starting it at any rate. lol.