Patterns and Thoughts

Every day I get up. I get in the shower. I get the kids up and get ready for work. I have to iron every morning, except on Spirit day. Those days are now over. We would be able to wear jeans and tshirts on those days. I would always wear my Doc Martin's. I love those. Oh yeah...I get in my car and drive. The patterns begin to emerge. The young lady that is waiting for the bus with her headphones. The yellow bus that always seems to block me from getting my kids to school on time. The two little kids (boy and girl) that walk across the tracks of the Blue Line to get to the Pace bus that takes them to school. I am assuming that is where they are going. The crazy looking lady that walks toward Cermak with a mullet style hair cut and looking like a man in the process. Scary! *shudders*. The same cars with same license plates when I am actually paying attention to my surrounding and not just on auto-pilot. The Director of another office that always seems to park in front of me. The one I once made small talk with and now seems to avoid me when we park at the exact same time. Give or take a few minutes. lol. The very cute asian female in her nice BMW that stops in front of me waiting for the light as I cross the street to get to my building. I always think I want to know what she is doing to be able to get that car. She is young too. I want to do what she is doing. lol. The same commuters that seem to enter the building from two entrances as they go towards their respective offices. The long hair blonde that is always ordering her coffee and getting her muffin as I walk to the office. The very same blonde a friend of mine that used to work in this building told me to go and talk to. lol. He was funny. He told me she was super hot. I was like ok. I think she has grown on me. hehehe. I did not think she was super hot at first, but she is very attractive.

I think I need to change professions. This job does not challenge me. Management does not allow me to spread my wings or take any suggestions. High was not bad for me. It was okay. There were certain areas that I did not particularly care for. One thing that was constant. I did not really fit in. I had a bunch of friends, but never really found my niche. I am starting to feel this way here at work too. I kind of hate that the office environment eventually reverts to high school-esque politics. It could be just my office. I do not know.

Maybe I need to go back to school. Maybe I just need to change professions all together. Are you guys happy at your jobs? Give me suggestions of what I should do next? I was a BA Pysch Major. Although I can't read minds. I know you thought I could. lol. ttyl.

Blast from the past

It is a flashback moment. I am sitting in class. NKOTB girl comes up to me all giggly. I made this for you. Looking back at this moment, I should have known...oh to be young and naive! hehehe.

It was a VHS of a hundred videos of Motley Crew. I just thought it was awesome. It may have been a welcome to the school new kid thing. It was cool. I think that summer I played that video over and over. I did not have cable. I could not watch these videos. Oh the age of cable and being poor before the internet. lol. It was dire straights. lol.

Solitary Confinement

I have noticed that people walk in their own bubble. Their bubble consist of whatever connections they establish via cell, internet, or television. Most of the time they do not want to be bothered.

Today in the morning. I exited my car and walked to work. There was a woman walking towards the same building. I thought for a second...why can't I say hello. Why can't I make conversation? Why do I have to slow my pace or quicken it based on how I am feeling? This way our paths do not overlap. I have walked side by side with a complete stranger in the past. I always think to myself. It looks like we are even friends. I wonder if they are thinking the same thing. They may not want to be disturbed in their bubble today. So...I keep my thoughts to myself. I used to engage complete strangers in conversation. Sometimes I was ignored and others they would respond. It depends. My kids would tell me...Do you know them? I would say No. It is always nice to make small conversation. I know...I think I should have said hi. She was pretty too. Still...she would have thought I was pyscho or something. lol. I know...I think I am a little neurotic. lol.

The new week.

I find myself in the dark. It has been a rough night. I don't even want to recall it. The thought makes my throat lump up.

I wrote this to the beginning of a previous attempt at posting. I was in a dark time. I go between highs and lows. I just went thru a low. No one would be able to tell. I am still as funny and joyous as ever. It is the times alone. The times in the dark. The demons seem more real. The demons can be real or made up. Made up in the sense that they may be imaginary. I think sometimes this is one of the reasons I drink. The drink makes the demons go away. It lets my brain finally rest.

My questions before I go. Why do we let our brains imprison us? Why not let our spirits be free? Can we be brutally honest with one another? I wish we could.

I am a computer geek.

It turns out I can recover all my old files from old computer by purchasing a USb Universal Adaptor. I may even break down and get a hard drive enclosure. This is a thing that you can insert the old hard drive and use it as a external hard drive. This all cost me about $30 and a for a few dollars more I can get another adaptor for my brothers laptop. It is funny how he calls me and ask me all sort of computer questions. I am not very good. Still I have people at the office thinking I can make miracles happen.

In other news, I went out with Y last Friday. It was sort of a slow night. We had two drinks. Well...I had two drinks. She only had one. She asked me why we only hang out for an hour. You don't seem to egg me on to drink more. I think that is why. I am sorry. Sonrisa and Samba can drink. So...when I hang out with them. We are there for many hours. We are gettign the last drink. Then comes the last last drink. Maybe 2 hours later we are on the last last last last second to last last drink. You get the idea. Liquor makes everything more interesting.

My question to you before parting. If you are in love with someone, would you love them enough to do things together? Going to the market, going to do laundry, going to the movies that you don't like, and many more. I would. Because I love you. Okay...enough out of me. lol. ttyl.