Dumping old patterns and adopting new ones.

This has been the topic in my brain. This is my inner speak that takes over my brain and kills anything that I am listening to. I can be super excited about a new U2 album and be really wanting to listen to the album and even throw on my headphones, but then to have my inner brain muddle all the receptors in my brain with a million thoughts. I need to hit the purge button on my current set of coping skills with life and start fresh.

Here is an example. I come home and get bombarded by my kids before i even hang up my coat. (awwwww) I know. I love that part. The wife can be in the middle of showering or trying to get herself ready for work. She can also be in the middle of trying to put together a meal that she decided to put together at the last minute. I hate that part. Either way, I hate those two things. Her getting ready to get to work and leaving me with the three kids. Her preparation of a meal that is half assed.

It is not that I dont love the kids. I do. It is just that they really get on my nerves. lol. They fight all the time. The little one is the easiest one. He just wants his routine. The only difficult part is potty training, but I am getting a handle on it. It is the older ones that are in that stage of preteens, they are 10 and 12. They are always calling each other names. They are always hitting each other. You know how it is. It just drives me nuts. The funny thing is that I yell at them all the time, but they are on me like fly on crap. lol.

The meal part is that she may give me like a piece of chicken that she cooked in a skillet. That is it. No mashed potatoes. No chili sauce. No piece of bread to make it into a sandwich. It just drives me insane.

So...how to switch those patterns of thought for something else.

The Pony and potty training.

I was driving down Cicero Ave. I was on my way north to Longhorn. It is a steak house. I have to go back there. It was really good. Anyway, we were driving when all of a sudden a pony and a family are crossing this major street. I mean dad with like at least 5 kids ranging from 14 to like 3. One kid was riding the pony. It was a crazy site. In the middle of a major city and look who it is the family that owns a pony. lol.

I was celebrating my brother's birthday. It went really well. I am potty training the youngest. I did not want to be hauling three kids all over town, while one of them keeps needed me to go to the bathroom. The idea of how am I going to find this restroom. I am actually very germaphobic when it comes to public restrooms. It is like you never know what you will find. It is the unknown unknown that is a factor. Still my plans had to change about 3 times. Finally, we settled on Longhorn. The trip from our place to my brother's was nerve racking. The baby waited to go potty until we got to his place. Nice! Then from the ride there to the restaurant, he also waited. It was like everywhere we stopped we went. We survived the night without any accidents. Yay!! The only problem was having to go to bathroom like every 20 mins. The food was good. I should have gotten a steak. I wanted a bar burger. It was good. I still think Stanleys is better.

The idea of wanting her.

I want to be able to look at you and feel desire. Desire that has been absent for quite sometime. I want to be able to look at her hair and admire its smooth silky and wonderous smell. Let her smile melt my worries. Dream of her even as she is with me. *sigh*

It is not for lacking of wanting

I want to blog. I just havent had the inspiration. The muse to help me get the words out. I can tell you what is going on. It would just be dry information. For example, I am an adult now.

Why? The simple reason is that I have a home. A mortgage payment that pretty much consumes my entire paycheck. It really makes me sick. lol. My home is nice. It is actually nice and big. I am really glad I waited. My wife wanted to get every home we saw. I was like nope. nope. Hell no. One memorable place was the modern first floor, but then go upstairs and it was like 1972. The wood paneling. The hot and humid atmosphere like you were choking. It was not my scene. She loved it. I said no thanks. Still...this place is beautiful. Don't get me wrong. I am still running to Menard's like every other day. Luckily, the only major thing that has needed to be replaced was the furnace. I was not tripping about that because I knew it was going to be replaced sooner than later. I also had the money. Lets hope nothing else major gets broken.

It is funny how when you look at a place, then you begin in your head lists of projects. Projects that I really need to write down. The front steps that need to be replace and reglued. They are like a nice red tile, but the people before did not use the right type of cement to put the tiles down. The need to replace a sink or get the ceramic repair kit for sinks. I am sure it is out there.

I also have to go to dentist. Ugh...the dentist. I am going today. Wish me luck.

Ser egoista

Pregunto a mis amigos el por que es dificil enforcarme en mis necesidad. He tratado de ser un poco egoista y me sale, pero luego me siento con malos sentimientos. Necesito encontrar el balance. La pregunta viene de que el jueves me la pase viendo un programa llamado Battlestar Galactica. Me dije, "Esta semana esta de poca madre. Necesito relajarme." Paso algo en trabajo que nos dejo un poco traumados. El coche de mi esposa se descompuso. No estoy tomado cafe por la cuaresma. Esta fue mi promesa. Que loco verdad? Por lo visto, todo esto se me amontono. La mujer se enojo. No como lo piensas. Sino el trato de silencio. Si mujeres. Ustedes ya lo conocen. Me valio madre. Por lo general, yo simpre estoy ayudando con los ninos. Yo soy el que los lluevo a los juegos. El que les echa porras. Yo tambien necesito tambien para mi mismo.

Necesito aprender como ser mas egoista y sin sentirme con pena. La mayoria del tiempo caigo cansado. No tengo tiempo de ver television. No tengo tiempo de areglar algunas cosas de nuestra nueva casa. Ni para hacer ejercisio.

La Sirena con la Luna

She calms the waters of my mind
Leaving no traces of the world on my soul
Her voice mending me

The nights our playground
We pretend our smiles mean nothing
Only to reveal our actions

Hinting at our Love.