me duele y dichos de familia

my stomach is in pain. it is on a roller coaster and the rest of me is not willing to go with it. me la pase vomitando the pad thai from the night before. el dolor empezo two mornings ago. it was faint and ever so dull. i thought power thru it. lets move on. aprieta el cinturon and lets go. pense que habia dominado el dolor. me tome mi cafe con leche en la mañana con un panzito muy rico. i finished and expected to be in the bathroom the next 10 mins. nothing...this is good. so i continue with my day. i go here, make calls, and go to meetings. meeting about time management. im thinkning i have not time for this meeting. more like i really do not want to be there. todo el dia me siento que a cual quier minuto se me va soltar la panza como dice mi abuela. it was horrible. it was like a terrible little rumble all day.

mi familia fue a ver los cachorros en wrigley field. it was cool. mi hija nunca habia hido a un juego de los Cubs. se divertio. mientras yo me estoy aqui pelusquiando como dice mi tia. mi familia creo que le gusta invertar palabras para expresar emociones distintas. it is nice because it is something unique. la vieja nunca le parece. pero ni modos. fui a mcd's para lunch. despues de una doble chesseborger con un refresco muy frio. nada. pero el dolor alli estaba. jugando conmigo. se me viene y se me va.

bueno al fin, despues de corre pa' aqui y corre pa' ya. i needed to get to the tailors. i bought some pants and drove in the hellish rain. it was nice. the rain i wish i could have enjoyed it. instead, i was annoyed. annoyed at the slow drivers. at the fact that Sorrentino's closes at 6. i mean come on ppl. it is just a little water. yes, kids, i got to the tailors on time. the poor man was eating a sandwich and i felt terrible interrupting his dinner. he measured me quick and i left in like three minutes. i felt that sense of accomplishment.

when i got home. i watched the pre-taped Supernatural. waiting for the family. they were in gridlock traffic coming over from wrigleyville. love the area, hate the traffic. the misses went on some errand and picked up some thai food. thai food rocks, but there is nothing like Thai Bowl on taylor and morgan. we ate did our homework. surfed the net. talked on-line. shuffled around the house. went to bed. it was like midnight. of course...why would my stomach start to have full blown pain at 324am in the morning. i woke up from a dream. a dream about the same stomach pain and having to talk to a client and make like the pain is not there. i get up and went to the bathroom. i'm still in denial. it is ok. take care of business try to go back to bed. my stomach has other plans. i am stuggling with the pain. este dolor que te seca hasta los huesos. al fin, i ended up take some alka seltzer and eventually throwing up. waking up the misses. i felt terrible that she was up. i was kind of glad too. i was shaking and starting to get a little scared. she heated up a tortilla para ponermela en mi panzita. it helped pero todavia tuve que ir al baño dos o tres veces. me senti tan debil. que sentia que me hiba ir por la taza del baño.

finally mi cuerpo descanzo. me pude dormir como a las 430 am. i should have called in sick to work. pero tenia una junta that i arranged. me senti mal. how am i going to make this meeting and then cancel it. me dio pena. so aqui estoy sufriendo. 339pm en mi oficina que no aguanto este dolor. me hace arder hasta mis manos. bueno espero que everyone else is doing a whole lot better. damn these phones..........

of manipulation and love

i am working in an office. one thing with offices you have to understand is that there are politics in any office. i hate getting into any sort of politics. it is just not my cup of tea. vengo a lo que vengo. bueno ni modo.

...to be continued

inspiration...

dear bloggers,

i have nothing...i mean really nothing. lets start with my ride home. i came down ogden on my bike. a little after kedzie to my surprise is this white girl in scrubs walking down the street going the opposite way. in an instant, i thought a million thoughts. what are you doing here? you do not belong. i mean neither do i, but she really does not belong. i determine where she is going and what her life entails. part of me falls in love with her for a brief moment. she decided to walk down poverty lane and see it up front and personal. the boarded up houses mingled with the only one house on the block while the corners are littered with sandwich shops and fry pits. chicken and fish frying establishment willing to serve you their finest cuisine behind a bullet proof glass. she was pretty.

the power of the mind. in a brief two to three second span, i have made assumptions and fallen in love. next topic. love is beautiful. it is great and i could fall in love with everyone. why am i so easily persuaded to fall into temptation? i spoke to a co-worker, Whispering Muse during lunch about relationships and how we treat ourselves and tolerate abuse based on how we see and what we think we deserve. her ideation is as follows...an abused person will stay with an abusive spouse because they perceive themselves as the other sees them. they let the other person be abusive because they believe what the abuser is telling them. an example and abusive spouses yells at them that they are good for nothing and hits them. the abused believes they are good for nothing and aggrees with the abuser that they are good for nothing. to me it defies logic. i'm not sure what led to this topic. i like Whispering Muse because she can peer into my mind and can give me insight. sometimes i need this. i have never had someone sort of analyze me. i usually am the one analysing them.

conversations...before i continue. i would like to relate an interesting interaction. lets flashback to sometime during the summer. client comes in to discuss their account. they want to make sure everything is being processed in a timely manner. i was feeling good this day. so...i decided to make sure to baby sit this account and monitor everything was going smoothly. i even worked my magic and made it happen. her comment was (of course it had to be a woman, after all you are always the center of my attention), "nice ring". i respond, "why thank you, my mother brought it back for me from mexico. i can never find these kind of thick rings in the good ol' us of a". she tells me with her beautiful blue eyes,"my grandfather makes these all the time". i respond " wow that is really cool". "i will have him make one for you", she tells me. most of my clients will tell me they will bring me coffee next time for helping them out. some will promise cubs tickets and other things. i usually never believe them. so...to make a long story longer, she steps into the office and tells me that she has been looking for me. "here i have something for you" and she produces a little package wrapped in tissue. it was a silver ring. it was a silver ring like the other one i have. i thanked her and she left. it was a really nice gesture. i was totally not expecting it.

anyway, conversations...i was about to reflect on how long it has been since i was out on the town with either thai girl or elle to a cafe. hanging out sipping some coffee with a crisp and toasted scone with either whipped cream and/or jelly at ear wax cafe. talking about life and the complications it has come to since high school. how simplistic life was back then and how complex we let our lives get. there was smoke convesations about sex, drugs, and love.

flashback to the late 90's, fobia takes the stage and rocks out to the album Leche. i buy a whole bunch of spanish rock and listen to them via cassette and cd's. there were buffy girls that look like buffy before she was famous. there were muses that inspired me to change and love and smoke. was i happy then? i really do not remember. i had some good times. i would have loved to have more good times.

nevertheless, love is at the center of it all. my love for women. my love for writing. my love for adventures. my love for fantasies. my love for art. my love for this restless soul of mine. the constant search for happiness. in hopes to discover the beauty in words. a face. a gesture bringing humanity to a lost world. yearning for that which i can not have. the drama that seems to unfold only to be revealed that it was non existant. the million glances given to others while walking and talking to others. the contant yearning to feel her. to touch her lips her face. caress her hair. the chains i must fasten on my soul to avoid any invasion of spaces. the energy that surges from her smile. i thinks i am slowly starting to lose myself. my coherence is no longer there. it is snipets of thoughts. i will end it here. gracias for la compania bloggers. have a good weekend.

Santiago

JUMP!!!

Dear Bloggers,

WTF is up with Van Halen. I mean really. Why does this song have to have so much radio play. Okay. I really should not hate. It is a decent song. To the world I would never admit this that I do sort of like this so called "Jump". Why does it bring a smile to my face? I do not know, but it does. I should be happy that it does. It could be stuck in my head and I could really hate it. I think that would be terrible. I can name a few songs, but i do not want to risk getting them stuck in my head. Dammit! There it goes. I will save you the torture.

On a bright note, I have been listening to my ipod at work. Luckily, I have my own office. I can put on my ipod and lose myself to the world. This is great when you rediscover an album you have in there. I downloaded "Mesmerize" from System of a Down. The first time I listened to it, I had a kind of negative reaction. I think they may have swore too much for that moment in time. I go thru some moments that I do not like people to swear. I really do not remember. So...for like maybe about three or four weeks. It just sit there. Well...yesterday I was reading my Maxim Magazine and B.Y.OB. was nominated as one of the best video's out there. I went to go check out the video and then thought, the song has some merit. I remember liking the song before, but I did not look at the name. It was kind of nice to have the whole cd already here on my ipod. Well thanks for listening.

Sincerely,
Santiago

now i am the one walking around like a zombie

it was one of those fun filled weekends. well...it was filled with activities. it was nice. we went to a bar. we went to a nice italian restaurant. we took a long walk. we got a chance to talk.

we went to a theme park and then a drive in. we tried going to a club, but no dice. we went to the beach and then caught a speed boat tour and saw some dolphins. it was cool.

here is the aftermath, i can not keep myself up. i was working and i was nodding off as i was trying to work on my project. i have no energy. besides the fact that it was raining this morning. i was too tired to bike. i should have biked. it might have given me more energy to take life back on.

i will muster enough energy to finish this day. all i have is about 5 more minutes.

here is something you do not see every day...

it is my 8 yr anniversary of being married. i awoke like every other day. i was wondering what we were going to do. i had gotten my wife a palm pilot that she always wanted for our anniversary. i thought that was it. she tells me at about 9:15 am, "the bags are packed and we are heading to florida". here are the boarding passes. i was so surprised and excited that i am going on a plane and leaving this place. at least for a little while. i will be back and it will all be great. it just one of those days that everything just seems to align. in about 10 min. i will pick up the misses from class and we are going to head to midway and be in florida in about 2-3 hours. i can not believe it. my fellow bloggers, life is good. life is good. God is the best. He gives you some obstacles and he also gives you rewards. Thank you.

I hope all you fellow bloggers have a great weekend.

P.S. I am little scared of getting on this plane, but that is between you and me.

so...what are your dreams

is it the american dream? the big house with the picket white fence outside? the two and half kids? i really feel sorry for that half kid. does it include a dog? this is statement i had to think about recently.

last night i was watching "Dream for an Insomniac". the main character was quoting all these obscure lines. lines from books of plato and other great philosophers. we deal with such trivial things on a day to day bases why have love be one of them. it was an interesting little movie.

the point is people. i am not getting any younger. i should have some dreams. i really do not know what they are. i do dream of a house of my own. i dream of a tricked out Honda Civic. i dream about love lost and forgotten. i dream about love reborn from ashes of barren lands. i dream about being happy.

let us define happy. is happy having the house with the two and half kid? i don't really know. am i happy right now. sure. but my mood changes all the time. i have highs and i have lows. they are part of us being human. i have times of nostalga. i have moments of what could of been. i have thoughts of being bold and telling beautiful women that i think they are beautiful.

i want to paint. i want to write. i want to let my unconsciousness come out in a painting. i want my emotion to come forth in a photo. i want to capture the soul. i want to tell people the truth about everything. i do not like to hide. i want people to love me. to hate me. to get distraught by me.

sorry...it was one of those moments. i am here feel my presence. it is over. thanks for playing.

confession of a biker (more like bicycle)...

i was biking in to work this morning. as you could tell...it had rained a little over the night. everything smelled fresh and it was nice and cool. i love these mornings. well...i did not realize that biking would make me wet all over. okay...those kids out there with bad minds quit it. the streets were real wet and slick. my front and back wheel pretty much wet my shorts and my underoos and my backpack. quite a pickle, if you ask me!! i was not about to be at work with wet undies all day. so... i went commando today. it was quite nice and interesting. i liked the idea that i was a la natural. i mean i had clothes on, but underneath it was a whole other story. the other people around me had no idea. i wanted to tell someone, but i know they would not have understood. trust me on this one. i work with all females and like 2 other males. i dont feel that close to those guys to tell them. i dont think guys really would tell that to each other. i had no one to tell. it made me a little sad. i got over it, but it would have been nice to share the little secret with someone. so....i decided to blog about it.

i have done my part for today. anyone else with some cycling confessions? make me proud fellow bloggers.

biking into work

the rising gas prices has made me look into alternative modes of transportation. it has been a week that i have not used a motor vehicle. i have been biking in to work. i was commenting to Local Girl. It is a monday and I feel exceptionally happy. I think it is because of the exercise and the wind in my hair as I am coming down ogden hauling ass. It really feels nice. I would love to have a motorcycle. pero ahorita me conformo con my bike. Local Girl tells me not to get hurt and be careful. I tell her it is to late. I did an aerial 360 on friday. I scraped everything from my elbow, thigh, knee, and other region. you would think this would go ahead and convince me to wear a bike helmet. us, taurus people are just stubborn, i guess.

in spite of taking a tumble, it is a monday and i am very happy. i am in high spirits. this is always good. i felt kind of bad because my friend Local Girl was having a really bad day. she did not sleep all last night. she had a case of the supernatural. there was a lady in her kitchen in the middle of the night, while getting a glass of water for her boyfriend. the lady was talking about her boyfriend and how he is going to pass on. it sounded kind of scary.

anyone had a supernatural story of their own?

my mind ran away with the spoon.

i was driving home one day. i was day dreaming. i could not help it. i have a 20 min drive. i guess it is not that long. i was listening to some panteon rococo and was listening to a song. well the thoughts got the best of me. i starting thinking about someone else. i know. i am a terrible person. it was a fantasy. we could run away together. we would cook together and make new recipes. we would argue and make up and have all this new kind of fun. she would take care of me. i would take care of her. it was a modern day fairy tale.

i have lost the will to type...

i sit here on what feels like a saturday night. it is sunday. although it really feels like a saturday. i was gearing up to go out on the town and party up the night. instead i decided to stay home and spent some time riding the bikes with the kids thru this small town. took in all the sweet smells of the neighborhood. saw compadres pistiando y otros haciendo su arrachera.

sorry...it has been a while dear bloggers. i'm not sure what it is. is it the state of emotion I am in. i no longer have the energy to write down what i feel. if i write it down then i can never take it back. it is out there. it is like giving the dragon wings and a mouth full of teeth that can pierce my being. exposing all my blood and pains. dejando las penas fluir como el rio de lagrimas. mejor que la presa mantenga las pesadillas en sus lugar. no dejar que vuelen por el ambiente como papel descartado como basura. para que cualquiera se enteren de mi negro corazon.

is it really all that bad. no. i really can not say it is all that bad. there are times that everything is riding smoothly. like a clock. moving in the same direction.

marching to the same beat of a drum. i picture chanting and fire. people circling it with visions of naked screams. then around the corner we dive into the sea. where we whistle to a non-specific tune. swimming with all the pepinillos. y veramos al pepinillo marino conquistando el universo submarino. sorry. im just typoing away. some of it is lyrics and other thoughts.

well...bloggers have a good labor day. make sure to have a cook out for me. i wish i could have one. unfortunately, there is no money in this month's budget. a little concept that does not seem to go well with 6 and 8 year olds.