Things that Fright

Boo!!! Hello kiddies!! It is that time of year. All the guys and ghouls are out tonight in full fright!! I'm just here in my home taking a spin. Howl!! Scream!!

In the spirit of Halloween, I was at my aunt and uncle's house having some tamales for the birthday boy and girl. My two cousins have a birthday like three days apart. So...they always have to share their birthday. It sucks doesn't it. I would think so. You can never really find you identity this way. Okay...I am getting off the subject. Across my very short life, there have been many questionable instances. Incidents that I can not explain with, "It was the wind!" You know all the excuses people usually give to rationalize something spooky. Well...we started to tell stories of things that go bump in the night. To my surprise, there were a few stories that were similar to experiences I had. I decided that I would write them down here. The time and date are irrelevant and the locations are no longer there.

My first recollection of a scary moment was in my old apartment. The apartment was on Cortez St. and Ashland. My parent being new to this country had only a little bit of money to their name. So...they would rent a three bedroom apartment with three families to save some money. Those three families were my Uncle D, Uncle R, and my family. I believe we were together for a good ten to 11 years in about three different apartments before moving out on our own.

I have many scary memories of that first building. It was somewhere on the north side of Cortez St. between 1432 and 1514. It had white vinyl siding all the way to the top. It was a scary night (I know why would anything happen in the morning). The men had gone to work and it was close to the time of their arrival. The women were in the kitchen making dinner. The kids were playing at the hems of their respective parents. The living room had a chandelier (sp?) made of crystals with lights affixed to it. At some point in the evening, the front door was opened and closed. The light of the chandelier began to flicker on and off. The crystals began to shake. I became a little freaked out. I was about 3-4 years old. I said. "Pa, donde estas?" There was no response. Eventually the light went out in the living room. Here is the spooky part. No one came home until 1 or 2 hrs later. No one had even gone to the living room. My mom was freaked and so were my aunts. We never spoke about this ever again until this saturday. I confirmed this story with my aunt. She said we never found out what happened. I also remember in this same house we found an extra bathroom. We had been living in this house for almost a year and there was a secret bathroom. When the secret bathroom was opened, it was all red inside with a small window. The tub was caked with something red that looked like dried blood. Needless to say, we closed that bathroom up and sealed it up.

We later found out that a seperate incident like that happened to some friends of ours. They were at home working on their homework. The guys began to hear voices and then the kitchen table began to shake uncontrollably. My two friend were home alone as teens. They ran as fast as they could to a neighbor across the street. When they returned to the house. The soda they were drinking was all over the table.

Cortez street had a lot of houses that had some unexplained incidents like footsteps that would walk from the porch to the end of the kitchen and stop. Shadows in the form of a child that would dash across the room. The same child that would turn on the stereo at full blast when people were alone. Mysterious knocks at doors in front and then at the back once the front door was answered. The sound of kids running back and forth upstairs and there is no one at home. The feeling that something or someone was starring at you and there was no one there in the room.

This are some of the incidents that occured at Cortez street. I'm sure there are more, but I have not had a chance to listen to them and hear their stories. I'm curious to hear your stories bloggers. Especially on this Halloween day. Have a good fright!! Try not to eat any apples with razors in em. Make sure the kiddies check all the candies before eating them.

darn and me without my sox stuff...

i have just found out that the route for the sox motorcade will be passing right by my office. isn't that super exciting. i love it. the only problem is i do not have my sox stuff on me. hey...i went to a conference and got a fun saver camera. at least will take some pictures. yes...score!!

hecho de menos

ese niño soy yo
el que grita por tu atención
me descuidas tanto que resulto invicible
al fin me dejas con soledad
no puedo sentir...no puedo olvidar
dejame gritar

me acuerdo... de tus brazos
como borraban el dolor
parar las lagrimas
limpiedas por tu mantilla
no quiero recordar...no lo quiero revivir
anhelo ese tiempo


Ok...I really do not know where that came from. There are thoughts and emotions coming at me from all directions. Some come from friends and conversations. Others come from reading material.

Maybe this is the inner me. I really do not recall having a bad childhood. I actually remember a lot of good times. I remember going to the The Settlement House for a lot of programs. I went to a marrionette play with them. I went bobbing for apples at a Halloween Party with them. I even remember making a ton of woodshop projects. I was able to operate a table saw and other heavy machinery. It was quite cool.

I remember my parent taking us to the various parks downtown. They took pictures of us along the rose gardens and the many flower gardens by the lake. I remember the pictures of me and my twin brother. Ok...fooled ya. I do not have a twin brother. Although by all the pictures you would think that we were. My parents thought it was cool to dress us alike. Maybe it was cheaper to buy 2 of the same outfit. Bueno, quien sabe. I wish I knew where all those pictures are currently stored. I would love to scan them and have them up on some website like Cindylu's Loteria Chicana. Al fin los recuerdos son los que nos hace sentir que somos vivos.

dedicada a mi angel por ser bella

eres mi angel
de color de papel
con esa bella sonrisa
que me alegra el corazon
me deja con la esperanza
de una mejor mañana

the never ending saga of bathrooms...

i just came back from the bathroom. i know do i really need to report that...maybe not. apparently, some one left their pico de gallo en el sink. things to add to the list, huh. there was tomate con cebolla y cilantro. i had to post this. sorry. you can go about your business.

repeat: not a good day for cycling

i did not bike to work, yesterday. it was too cold for that. i was determined to bike in today. i checked the forecast and it was going to rain. i thought, "it will only be raining a little if at all". guess what? it was not raining a little. about midway to work it started to rain a little harder. there was also construction and there was some filming crew over by Mount Sinai. I was yelling at myself all the way here. I should have drove in. Of course, me being the stubborn man that I am. i decided to bike in. yeah, yeah!!! i know. i feel better today than i did on monday. it could have been i was having a bad case of the mondays.

here is a question for you bloggers. is being a religious person bad? here is the reason why i ask. i know as a christian or follower of Jesus. there is more scrutiny on us. people are more willing to say," well...look at him. no que muy santo?" he should not be drinking, smoking, swearing, looking, thinking outside the box, or what ever criticism that has been hurled at us. we are after all human. we are not saints. we do not have it easier than the rest because Jesus is on our side. if anything it is harder, because we have to abide by all these rules. the worst part, for me, is that i question and often break the rules. i never was very good at following rules. as you can tell by previous posts.

i was talking with a friend about this on sunday. i love this friend very much. she does not judge me or put on a facade with me. she is honest and true. she is not very religous and i respect this. i was explaining to her that that is why I use filter or filtro. por que my mente filtra todo lo que escucha y todo lo que lee. no tomo lo que me dicen and blindly follow it. sometimes i wish i could. life would be a lot easier. to be a mindless drone and walk around obeying orders. although you see a lot of these people in the world. i believe they go and fight a war that is not justified. but...i digress. actually, let me end my rant on this note. i have tons to say about this topic, but i need to focus here at work.

traumatic experience

my mind has been occupied with thousands of things. one is, "where the hell is my Maldita Vecindad- Monstro CD?" i have been looking for it all over my house. it is not there. i believe there are gremlins in this world and they hide all the things you are looking for at that specific moment when you get obsessed looking for them.

items missing because of gremlins:

Maldita Vecindad - Monstro CD. oh yeah signed by the band members!!!
On the Road- by Jack Kerouac (sp?) book.
Keys to my other two u-locks for my bike.
El Tri- ( i forgot the title) CD
The Cure- Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me CD
The Cure- Staring at the Sea Singles CD

i'm sure there are more items but i can't remember them at this moment. well...this is only part of the traumatic experience. the one i was really refering to was doing something really courageous. i threw all my cassettes. okay, not all of them. i could not part with REM, Depeche Mode, Ministry, Metallica and a couple of others. One by one i pitched them into a big bad of trash. i even put some of them on just to hear them. i put on iron maiden. i shook my own head and said what was i thinking. guns-n-roses. porno for pyros, cc and the factory, dishwalla, and other cassettes i would never listen to ever again. it was traumatic because some of these cassettes have been with me since i was in grammar school. scorpions- rock you like a hurricane. maybe there is still time to go get them from the trash. no...have to be strong. must not give in. okay, there it is catch you on the flip side.

Depeche Mode still has it.

I bought there album last night. I have been listening to it almost all day. I heard it on the ride in and I loved the song Precious at the end of the Season Premiere of Smallville

Precious

Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes
He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your hearts for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

must be the halloween season...

i went to sell candy with the little ones. it is part of the fundraising we have to do for the kids catholic education. we started at the mall till we got kicked out by the security guard. he was cool. he did not escort us out or anything. he just told us we could not sell. i could see the kids were a little disconcerted about defying authority. my daughter tells me, "dad we better leave before they take us to jail." i could not help but chuckle in my mind. can u guys tell where she gets her drama-tics? we head over to jewels. we sell only about $16 for the night. it was quite sad. the kids were a little desanimados. sorry for the spanglish. i have posted the troops by Sam's Club and Target over on Cicero and 26th. the sales were great over there. lots of people bought. i believe at one time i sold about 4 boxes of 36 candy bars. everyone looked us in the eyes and told us,"no thank you." i respect this response. i told my kids to tell them thank you and have a good evening. please, don't just completely ignore us. by the way, i was not the one asking to buy the candy bars. it was all my kids. some people treated us like we were begging at the mall and at jewel. they did not even want to look at us. others just completely ignored us like we did not exist. it made me lose a little hope in our humanity. how easy are we willing to isolate ourselves. i can tell you one thing, we are sticking to the Sam's Club. we are almost done. we just need about 17 more candy bars. wish us good luck.

oh wait...the reason i was posting was because of a dream i had last night. lets see if i can remember it. there was a warehouse, it was somewhere inbetween a store with aisles and a warehouse. they had pallets stacked on top of each other with products on them wrapped in plastic wrap. the customers or the people that were stuck in this warehouse were monsters. they were vampires, frankenstein, zombies, and hulks. it seemed like these people were gathered into this place and then they were being hunted. they were being hunted by the alien from Alien. we had no weapons and there was a female with me. i could not tell what she was, but she was there as a keeper or the leader of the group. we had to keep the alien from getting out or from being hunted down. it gets kind of blurry at this point. i just remember having conversations with her and then trying to figure out how to get weapons. i think there was a struggle with one of those aliens and thinking why does the acid blood not hurt me. i am assuming i was one of those monsters. i was scared and at the same time looking for a way to defeat the aliens. i remember at one point thinking to myself. i have to stand real still so they can not see me. as i was crawling around these pallets. i tried to climb onto them and this is when i woke up.

do dreams mean anything, i don't know? all i know, the Alien theme is because i saw the Alien vs Predator cover at best buy. the rest may be all about halloween.

playing toy soldier

or should i say more madness from the past weekend. i have embarked on a new journey. it is one of leadership, wellness, and a journey of faith. the reason for the title is because, i have just joined the Salvation Army Corp -Temple Laramie on Laramie and 24th St, Cicero, IL 60804. i am now an adult soldier. you may see me around Christmas ringing bells. we shall see.

by the way, i am not catholic. i know, but I am mexican!!! it is a long story that i do not want to relive. it is not that serious. the next questions is,"then what are you?" i am a follower of Jesus Christ. the church that i attend would be an evangelical church. i kind of sort of know the differences, but not sure it really fits.

well...the ceremony for the induction was Sunday morning. I went all dressed in the uniform. it was a sort of soldiers uniform. this is why i was playing soldier. i should not take it lightly. this is some serious business. the ceremony lasted from about 11:00 am to about 2:00. we are latinos after all. so the actual induction with me signing papers agreeing to the war articles took about 20 minutes. but they also had to have the actual service. they had a lunch and everything. we left about 3:30 after eating. the food line was all disorganized and people were cutting and being ignorant. nothing new when you get a bunch of latinos being offered free food. my Uncle D came out and of all people my brother RP. we almost ditched the little party in our honor to go to OCB (old country buffet).

side note: my kids call this place OCB. they are always," hey lets go to OCB."

i was surprised that RP did not burst into flames as he walked in. i'm kidding. he really is not that bad. he just does not really go to church. i mean he will do over time so he can say he is busy on Sundays. so...as we left, i was wondering what we were going to do. i had to let mrs. santiago rest. we decided on going over to my brother RP's apartment on Montrose and Cicero. my kids right away abandoned me. they said both in unison, "can we go with RP?" i told them, "go ahead." in a flash they were gone. i went back home to pick up some things. my son and daughter had procrastinated doing their homework. i went over to my apt and mrs. santiago was sleeping. as i was changing out of my uniform, ooops, i woke her up. i felt terrible. she went right back to sleep. i picked up their bookbags and headed over to my brother's place.

my kids did their homework, while I watched Warriors. it is a 1979 film about gangs. i remember it being the coolest movie ever when i was kid. i know there are a lot of movies i should not have watched. the kids kept coming over to ask me questions. there were some scenes the kids should not have been watching. i am glad they stayed over in the dining room. my brother made some chocolate chip cookies and everything was cool. i got to try the coke zero. it was not bad.

we left before the Sox game started. i figure get home and then get to watch it in the comfort of my own home. my brother has a big screen would have like to stay and watch there, but the kids needed to come home and take showers. the dreaded routine of getting ready for school. they hate it and i hate it too.

the funny things is i drank two beer and had a cigarette. those were some of the violations on the articles. the paper i signed said that i was not going to consume alcohol. it is hard being a good guy. i'm sure there will be other times where i will violate this article. i did not even last a day without breaking the rules. darn it. oh well. thanks for letting me rant.

inpired by dreams

i awake
her voice trails off...
seems her memory still washes ashore
on the plain of my mind
i can still feel her taste on my lips
remnants of my dream
can't shake her grip on my mind
or is it my heart.

not really sure which one...

tengo un sueño...

I'm so sleepy. I wish I could curl up unders this desk and just pass out. I did not celebrate The Sox Victory as other's have, but for some reason I am just as sleepy. I had a great weekend. It was full of art, parties, and meeting new exciting people. I will try to recount the madness of this weekend. It was a cool mad fun. The narration will be influenced by Jack Kerouac's On The Road.

Friday: I leave work and head home on my burra (my father's pet name for his bike) while listening to my mini ipod. On the way home, there is a helicopter in front of the old Cook County Hospital. It was done unloading its patient and the ambulance took off to what ever hospital was its final destination. It was exciting. You do not see this everyday. So...I stop to see the helicopter do its final checks before it takes off. It was kind of cool. It turned on its engines. The blades began to turn. The engines exhaust began to make the air around it blurry. You know when ever there is too much heat. I know there is a physics term for it, but I am not that smart. The helicopter starts to make its ascent and it falters a little bit, then lifts off into the beautiful sky. It was nice. I know what is so special? Well...we do not get to see too many helicopters lift off live. I thought it was a nice little treat. Sorry, Sonrisa, I know this is why I was late picking you up. After I get home, I take a quick shower and get dressed. I got to wear my Dr Martins. I have not had a chance to wear them in a while. I fix my hair. Sonrisa, you have to feel real special. Why? I hardly ever fix my hair. I jump into my ride. I go back to my apartment. I always forget one or two things on the way out. I forgot my little companion, my ipod. Well...we are back in my ride. I rev the engine. I make a mad little dash over to Sonrisa's folks. I had some good tunes to jam on the way there. I resolve to not let the traffic bring me down. It is a Friday Night. It was a night to feel the emotions go rampant. It was a night of smiles, tears, and best of all the moon. The moon playings it everafter mood affects on people who notice her. I almost get lost, but remembered that I had to turn down a street before her block. I plunge into darkness. These streets are never well-lit. I briefly wonder about why this is. There she is coming down her walkway. She smiles. After all she is Sonrisa Morena. It truly is a great night for adventures.

The full moon kept following us like waiting to see what kind of mischief was afoot. It was all out crazies on the road on Central Park. We kept our cool. I asked Sonrisa, "you ready for this". Sonrisa reponded, "time to have some mad hatter fun". I ask her what she would like to listen. She does not care, but I put on a random sampling of the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of my ipod. We ponder all the great sights while driving down Odgen Avenue and catch up on old times. The music is on, but the conversation is better. It has been a long time. It has been a long time indeed. We talk about love and we reflect on our great times and our down times. I make a final determination, "Let this night be about great times and the rekindling of a great Friendship. Let it not be burdened by this negativity". We both agree and laugh. I seriously am a Drama King! jajajajajajaja!

Sidebar: Curse the ability to remember such great details. It makes the forgetting things a lot harder.

It is that time. Time to make the mad dash over to the Chopin Theater. It is theater night. We are headed to see, "Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner". We park my ride on Milwaukee. I have many flashbacks of going to the stores on Milwaukee with the millions of family to get a scarf or some shoes. It is my old Neigborhood. We get there about 30 min before the play begins. Sonrisa and I walk into the theater and I see her (Mariposa) a fellow blogger. In my mind, the many entries are reeling like a spool of thread being pulled out and I determine it has to be her. (I know...I really am a Drama King) I keep my cool and maintain my calm. Como dice El Chapulin, "Calma que no panda el cunico!!". We stroll to the man and ask where do we get the tickets for the play. He points us in the right direction. We walk like new creatures barely learning how to walk. I have to admit I was nervous. I don't know about Sonrisa, but I was. We go to the counter and meet this groovy cat. Mariposa is like, "How can I help you?" Sonrisa responds,"We would like tickets for the play". Then comes the question almost all places ask now, "How did you hear about the play?" I respond, "Thru a friend." Sonrisa with a smiles states," We heard about it via a blog." Mariposa gets startled, but continues to write. It was a dead give away. Okay, that sounded like I was a private investigator in those old pulp fictions novels.

We buy the tickets and sit down. We begin to talk like two crazy cats about the day and how it is all about the mad love. Sonrisa admires the art work. I tell her about my John Cusack sighting in the old diner called Chris' Diner. The theater used to be an old 50's style diner before it was turned into a theater. Mariposa comes over to introduce herself. It was a little cryptic. It was like a real ground roots revolution getting started. It was a Bloggers Unite moment. I know what I am about to say sounds real nerdy, but it was a very cool moment. My suspicions had been confirmed. The madness does not just end there. We proceed to then have a high school moment. The cool kid has just invited Sonrisa and Santiago to a party. Sonrisa and I are open mouthed and we play it cool. There is no telling what madness will ensue.

It was a great play about food and its impact on our life. This is a topic that affects us all. Some of us have a more intimate relationship with the topic than others. You can't help but feel the helplessness of this person. I also have to say that I really identified with all the characters in one way or another. It was great ensemble of just four players.

After the play, we wait for the confirmation. It was like those times I used to go to raves. We had to wait for the flyer or the phone number to call. At the end of the chase, we got the address for the party. It was like a treasure hunt. We were looking for a good time.

Sonrisa had already expressed an interest in getting some Sangria. It was Sangria Time in honor of our fellow blogger, Mariposa. After getting the phone number and the address, we jump in the ride and head over to Cafe Bolero. We were in hot pursuit of a nice little cuban restaurant on the northside. It is located on Western and Fullerton. It was the only place I can think of that had some Sangria. It was the best choice of the night. We had some great conversation, food and some Sangria, of course. Good times, Good times!!! I have to say the Sangria was really good. We made future plans of having more Sangria at another time. The service was great because Sonrisa feel in love with the waitress that brought us two types of hot sauce and some jalapeños. It was really good service. The hostess treated us like vip. We had dinner outside in the cool night evening breeze. It was beautiful.

After some Sangria and great food, it has come time to come face to face with how small this world truly is. Sonrisa wrote - She invited Santiago and myself to a party after the play and boooy talk about a small world!!! i had a mentor who once told me that i was ALWAYS going to run into someone i knew because the world of educated latinos was a small one. Well mrs. p your theory was proved was again this past friday. I ran into so many individuals that I knew. Some from the past and some from the present. The most clever line was, "So this is the famous, Sonrisa" Apparently, Sonrisa is quite the celebrity in her own rite. I have to say the most funniest moment for me was asking a kid in a White Sox Shirt,"Hey who won the game tonight?" His response was, "You are kidding, right?" I was like surprised why his response would be that. All he could have said was yeah the sox won. It turns out he is a co-worker from another department. I have met him many times. I guess the clothes do make the man. I could not recognize Superman without his uniform. Later, I apologized. I said, "Sorry, Clark. I didn't recognize you without the glasses". I don't think he got it. I blame it on the beer and the Sangria. hehehehe. Let us not forget the groovy moon night. It seemed to illuminate the possibilities. I have to say, Mariposa...Thank You. I had the best time ever. We will definitely have to come out and play again. We must start a revolution of Sangria and Bloggers Unity. Sonrisa, thanks for the company. Our friendship will outlast time.

to be continued...

houston we have lift off

Update on the solo flight...it seems God or the Universe heard my call. No solo flight necessary!! It was not scheduled either. Okay, moving on.

I have been having lunch with Local Girl. Usually this is a good thing. I enjoy her company. There are things about her that annoy me. I think this can be said of anyone. It can be said of myself as well. I recognize this. For example, Local Girl and I can never agree on something. She always has to argue the opposite of what I think. I like to debate, but it can get on your nerves after a while. The last time we argued was about water. How water is in everything and she does not need to drink water. I was arguing that you need to have actual water in your diet. I mean pure water. A cup of water. Just because you have coffee does not count as water. She was defiant to the death. I ceased fire. I told her that she has her opinion about things and I have mine.

Well...yesterday, she dealt the final blow. I was expressing my concern with routine and how I want to be different personality wise. I want to be the flaming hot guy next door. I am aware that I am married. I'm not saying I want to be unfaithful. I just want to be the guy girls want. The sexy guy that makes every girls day. I mean who does not want to be that guy or that girl. It is part of who we are. Instead I am the guy girls think of as their gay friend who is straight. I know it sounds complicated. She was like what is wrong with you. Why are you even thinking that way? We spent the last 45 min of our lunch arguing that this is not normal. She gave me examples of how her fiancee does not think like that. She explained that her fiancee is her soul mate. Apparently, I have some serious issues with relationships and my head is not right because I am thinking like this. Besides you are married and you can't think like that. I was like hold the phone...I do not feel like it is wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting some of the fairer sex to look at you and want you. I think this is perfectly normal. I understand the boundaries I have on my plate. I am married after all. I respect the boundaries. She reacted like I was trying to get into her pants. It was quite unsettling. It also hurt because she told me that I would be that guy that gets rejected and would then just hang out long after I have been rejected. I do not quite understand why this hurt, but it did. I believe I have never approached her on any sort of level apart from being just a friend. I have not made a pass at her. I have not said hey lets go into this closet and make out. I believe she took it very personally. It is a very often and recurring thing with her. I believe this is probably 95% of the reason why we argue about different things. I have come to the realization that she is very close-minded. It is kind of sad. I always pictured her as the open minded individual. Oh well...se la vi!!

solo flight(i do not mean flying)

***************WARNING*******************WARNING************************

if u are not comfortable with your sexuality, then do not read this post. you have been warned. in reality... i still have not made up my mind if i am going to post this. it is not because i am not comfortable with the topic. this is kind of those topics you need to approach a friend or close friends with in a warm and loving atmosphere. ok...enough of the dr. phil crap.

as some of you may be aware, i am currently biking into work. this is a good thing. i am feeling happier and healthier. i have lost some weight, but i am not about to step on a scale. it may only damper my spirit. some of the positive results of me riding my bike is that my spirits are high. i am really happy most of the time. i have more energy for things. i am cleaning more and not being grumpy about it. (bad habit, being grumpy, i passed on to my kids...particularly my daughter). my back does not hurt. my knees do not hurt. there are a lot of pains that have disappeared.

another positive that can be a positive and a negative are my urges. any health book will tell you this is normal. it is one of the positive side affects of exercise. well...what is the problem? rt? your are a married man? the problem is that sometimes we are taken in very different directions in terms of our schedules. so being in the same bed on certain nights are difficult. mrs. santiago works the grave yard shift. let us not bring in the fact that she is also taking classes for nursing. she is quite the busy woman. by the way, this is not by any means a complain. we are all very busy individuals.

the problem is what to do with these urges. i no longer do solo flights. i need to have my co-pilot. it is just more enjoyable this way. when you were young and bold this would satisfy the necessity. now...not so much. i have talked to a few individuals about this before and i have read about this in various articles, mainlyMaxim. i know, i know. what kind of source is that? i will have you know they have some really good articles. i believe one was about solo flights and the frequency. some of the statistics sounded a little exxagerated. well...at any point this is the problem i face. i am no longer doing solo flights. there are a great number of reasons for why not. maybe at a later date i will express my concerns. part of it is i no longer feel the need for it. i need something more. i will leave it at that.

why the confessional? i am not really sure. it was something that is on my mind. i would love to reach a point in time where we can discuss anything. who is the "we" refereing to? i do not know. it could be anyone. it could be a friend. it could be a stranger. ok, maybe not a stranger, but just close friends. although, i have already had my different discussions with some of those friends. you know...they were not judgemental or anything. they were cool open discussion. kudo's to my friends.

here is final note before i part...it makes me a little sad that i do not have some of this stuff written down in some notebook. i think i will have to get myself a notebook. i mean actual paper and pen or pencil. pencil so we can erase.

boredom

how do you compete with boredom? you blog. well...here it is. here is a list that i have been meaning to post.

things u see in the bathroom that gross me out:

• blood in the sink
• blood on the toilet
• piss all over the toilet (seriously do we need to pack cheerios for target practice)
• pubic hair
• hell any kind of hair
• crap smeared on the walls and toilet paper dispenser

there are all the things i have encountered in about three weeks time span. it was disgusting and i had to complain somewhere. this is usually not topics u talk to anyone about. this also leads me to lose faith in humanity as a whole. it really does. i dont understand why some of us have to be so irresponsible(sp?) and just mean. i'm sure i am not perfect. but lets be a little more responsible of our actions.

my wish has come true. all my clients have dissapeared. it surely seems like it. i have some here and there that have procrastinated, but still there are all gone. it feels nice to not have anything to do but at the same time. it feels like i need to keep busy to avoid the mind from going insane with all the other issues in this world.

ok...lets stop with the negative rant. lets move on to more positive things. it is friday. happy friday to all. one last thing. it feels like there is something missing in my heart. my spirit. i do not know what it is, but it is just nagging me.

el fantasma

me siento invisible es esta casa
no me puedes ver
trato de moverme para que me veas
sin resultado

no escuchas mis llantos
no vez las lagrimas
como la lluvia que cae del cielo
mis ojos hinchados

que soledad
poder volar por estas paredes
no poder sentir tu piel
mis brazos transparentes

como quiero que me veas
sientas mi amor
el calor de mi corazon
pero nada

sin fin
y muero
y muero...
sin tu amor

object of my affection

quiero sentirlo. como si fuera por primera vez. nuestras ideas de que es el amor. nuestros abrazos de almas perdidas. que al fin se encuentran despues de un gran tiempo. como la sangre que fluye libre entre mis venas. te quiero sentir en mi. te invito que mores en el centro de mi alma. para ver si asi me quieres.

i have all these strong emotions in me. they are moving me here and there. lets see if i can make sense of them. I was reading this blogg Extension of my Angry Rant and it brought back a moment while i was riding my bike. i was listening to System of a Down the Mesmerize album. it always gives me this surge of energy like i should be ready for a big battle that should be coming or a cause. it also bring outs all my anger at the social injustices that are apparent in this world. where are the rich and why do the poor have to go and fight these wars.

what a contrast, huh? we go from love to anger. well...lets continue this mad journey. i spoke to Local Girl(LG). she has been having a haunting moment of unrestful spirits speaking to her and giving dates in the night. it reminded me of this sort of half dream, half awake moment I once had. i was awoke about 6:13 am. at least, this is the time it was displaying on the clock radio. i remember opening my eyes and seeing my room. but i was kind of sleepy. so...i closed my eyes to return to a dream i was having about dead people walking and forming a line to talk to me. they were talking to me while i was in bed. in my bed, i was repeating what they were telling me. i wanted to remember this dream, but in fear i think i tried more to forget. it was the strangest dream. it was strange because i am awake seeing my room and as i close my eyes it is the same room with dead people whispering in my ear. anyway, enough about me back to LG.

Local Girl was a little hesitant to tell me any more details. she feels the spirit may be angry with her. it only seems to manifests themselves to her. her roommates are not affected. although she feels her boyfriend may be feeling something, but is hesistant in confessing. he explains it away that it is her jitters making him uneasy. i told her to have the condo blessed, but she does not want to anger it even more. i told her to pray and ask for God's protection. LG not being the religious type i think kind of just shrugged it off. im kind of at odds with it all.

on friday, i had a conversation with Whisperimg Muse(WM) about santeria and the occult. it was a car ride on the way to dominicks. WM feels she is prone to outside forces. It was kind of an interesting conversation. i sometimes feel like i am atuned to an paranormal activity. this is a discussion for another time. i should get back to work.